The Madness Begins
by eternal x nocturne
Summary: We've all seen plenty of ninja at Hogwarts, right? Well what would happen if instead of a bunch of ninja invading England, a witch accidentally ended up in Konoha?... Beware of OCs. The title is meant literally. Please get through the Authors' Note...
1. Before The Chuunin Exams

A/N:

**Welcome to ****The Madness Begins****. This fic is a collab between me, **_**Ceridwen Inari**_**, and **_**Ira Feye**_**. **

_Greetings. There are a few things we would like to explain before we begin this story. Mainly: why the hell is this thing on the Internet anyway? It's a disgrace to both fandoms. So bear with us._^_^

_First of all, this was never meant to be seen by anyone else but us, and now that it __**is**__ being seen, we'd like to clear up a few of the... artistic liberties we have taken._

_~This takes place in Konoha, Naruto-World. There is only one HP character. And she's an OC._

_~Our main characters are pretty much all OCs, so if that's not your thing... Um, yeah. (This was originally an RP. Then it got a bit of something that kind of resembles a plot.)_

**~Everything has been bumped up three years. Why three? Because we can. And because fifteen year-olds get to have more fun then twelve year-olds.**

_~Aaaand... My (somewhat) main character's name isn't very good. It's 'Ira Feye.' Pronounced ee-ra. Fey. With an 'e.' Just like my username. 'Ira' means wrath in Latin, so I never really felt like changing it. I just felt I should clear that up before the awkward "Is this a self-insertion fic?" questions start coming in. -shudders- And by the way, it isn't._

_This fic begins during the Chuunin Exams. That the Rookie 12 took. At the beginning of the series._

_(...Just a little longer, please...)_

_Each funky little symbol division indicates a change of author. I start _Madness_ off, and Ceridwen's part begins after the divide. Each chapter is started by the person who did __**not**__ end the chapter before it._

**~*~**

DISCLAIMER:

**Do we LOOK like we're middle aged, Japanese, and **_**male?!**_** I didn't think so.**

…_We don't?...B-but…There's nothing wrong with being middle aged, Japanese, and male, Ceri-chan!!!_

**This will probably be the only time you'll see the disclaimer, but it might appear in random chapters, 'cause we don't feel like being consistent.**

_~We don't own _Naruto _or _Harry Potter_. If we did, we wouldn't be wasting our time with this.~_

**~*~**

**I'd now like to draw your attention to the thing labelled "Vocabulary". This may be the only time you see it, unless Ira-chan feels like putting another one up. If ANY of you review and be all:**

"LIEKOMGASDGKNLDNUUUUU!!!!111 wat doz hitat meen i don no coz i waznt redin n im confuzed n i don no n u suk n shood b kild n ur poo"

**I will kill you. Seriously. That kind of stupidity and illegible spelling should be a criminal offence. As for the above section, you can read it yourself. If you can read it. **

_And we beg of you: please, __**PLEASE**__ use decent grammar, spelling and punctuation when communicating with us – it will save everyone __**so**__ much trouble... (We like reviews! -hint hint nudge nudge-)_

**~*~**

**Vocabulary:**

Gomen – sorry  
'ttebayo – _(short for _'dattebayo'_)_ verbal exclamation  
Hitai-ate – forehead protector  
Kami – spirits that allow people to feel connected to everything **(A.K.A: God)  
**Teme – a very rude form of 'you' (as if speaking to a hand-servant)

**Languages:**

"_Speaking in English, but use your common sense. If it's just one word in a whole sentence, chances are that it's just emphasis. And remember – ninja don't speak English._"  
"Erm…talking? Normally? Speaking in Japanese, people. Naruto language."  
_Thinking. In whatever language comes naturally. I think._

* * *

**The Madness Begins**

**Chapter 1 – Before the Chuunin Exams**

* * *

Ira Feye was very tired. Of everything. The War, Voldemort, the Ministry of Magic, the fantastic Trio, the Boy Who Lived, the Saviour of the Wizarding World... Harry Potter.

She was particularly tired of him. Seeing the shades of grey wasn't all that difficult the fact that not everyone was either good or a Death Eater. At seventeen, Harry Potter still didn't realize this simple fact. And because of this ignorance, he watched Severus Snape bleed to death on the floor of the Shrieking Shack without doing a thing. Harry Potter, the Wizarding World's beacon of hope, didn't do _anything_.

Severus was right. Harry just hid behind greater witches and wizards and took all the glory for himself while they died for him...

But she must forget about all this. Ira had decided that she couldn't take it anymore. She had to leave. So that's exactly what she was about to do.

Twirling the globe next to her, she went over the plan. First, she'd pick a random place in the world. Then, she'd create a portkey to take her there. And then... she would have her fresh start.

Ira spun the globe quickly. After a couple seconds, with her dark green eyes closed, she tapped her wand on the spinning sphere, stopping it. With a deep breath, Ira prepared herself to look.

The wand had stopped on top of the Pacific Ocean, some kilometres off the coast of Japan. Her eyes widened. But she'd drown!

Perhaps this was a sign. Maybe she should just stay to grovel in front of Potter like the rest of the world... No! She would _never_! Perhaps there was actually an island there and she would live. If not... well, then. She wouldn't live.

Ira stood up with a sigh and put a blue marble on the table. She stared at her spot on the globe and tapped the marble with her wand. It glowed white for a moment before turning back to normal. She gasped slightly. Making a portkey to a place she'd never seen was almost as reckless as trying to Apparate there. Any number of things could go wrong, but frankly, by now, she was beyond caring.

Ira took a final look at Spinner's End, then touched the stone.

**-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-**

"Kari! Get the hell up!" A male voice roared, pounding on her front door. Tsusabe Kari opened her eyes and groaned. It was still early morning, and already Hiro was banging down her door. Why he couldn't wait until later she didn't know. It was exhausting with him on her team. She also had no idea why he was even up this early.

Oh, right. The Chuunin Exams. Crap.

Still grumbling, she pulled herself out of bed, brown eyes blinking sleepily as she stumbled into the bathroom. She cleaned up quickly, and snatched a piece of toast. Like hell she was going training on an empty stomach, like Ino and that Haruno. "Beauty is pain." Yeah, well, _starving_ yourself is completely pointless. If they wanted to lose weight, they should go and _exercise._ She munched steadily, strapping a thigh holster on.

How that loser got on the same team as Sasuke was a mystery. She had no skills worth mentioning, except for her intelligence, but that wasn't that big of a deal. From what she'd heard, the Nara boy had an IQ over 200, and Miyu was always accurate. Hell, her_ entire team_ was considered highly had heard from Naruto that he was "-always protecting Sakura-chan!" Worthless girl. She couldn't do _anything_. She was a disgrace to all kunoichi. Even _Ino _was more useful, and Kami knows how long Yamanaka spent in front her vanity mirror.

"KARI!!! OPEN UP, DAMMIT!!!" More pounding. She ignored the yell, and the fact that her door was probably splintering from impact, and adjusted her equipment. Was she being spiteful? Of course not. If her team-mate had the energy to be up at _this_ godforsaken time, then he could wait until she was damn well ready to leave. After she was sure that she was ready, Kari opened the door.

"Good morning to you too, Hiro." The male on the other side of the door sighed. Chikano Hiro was blond, green eyed, and gorgeous. Which she knew for a fact. There were always girls swarming around him and, more recently, a few males as well. They were family friends, and got along reasonably well.

"Why didn't you let me in?" he whined. "After all the trouble I went to, trying to wake you up, couldn't you at least be a bit more grateful?" Kari resisted the urge to roll her eyes.

"You live in the apartment across the street."

"Details, details." He flapped a hand dismissively. "Besides, it's the Chuunin Exams, 'member? We've got to go over our plans and strategies."

**-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-**

She felt the jerk immediately.

Ira prepared herself for the onslaught of cold water and held her breath. If her luck was still as great as it had been the last couple of months, she'd surely end up in the middle of a hurricane. She stiffened, scrunched her eyes together and waited.

...And waited.

...And waited a little bit more.

...Hadn't the portkey worked? No, the jerk was indication that it—

Something crashed into her from behind and she went down with a shriek. Here comes the hurricane!— But wait, that wasn't water... She finally opened her eyes and looked down.

What faced her was a patch of rocky earth. ...What in the world?

Yells of "_GOMEN!!!_" from behind her were a sign that it was a person, not a hurricane, that had brought her down. The yells continued but the words changed. She had no knowledge of the Japanese language, but Ira figured the boy behind her was introducing himself, completely clueless to the fact that a couple of her ribs were most likely broken from the impact.

She turned around, still on the ground, and looked up at him.

The boy looked to be a bit younger than she was. He was wearing a bright orange jumpsuit and had equally bright yellow hair. (The hair looked as though it had never seen a brush in its whole life.) Apart from the insane amounts of orange and some strange scars on his face, he seemed to be quite normal. Except for that weird metal thing on his forehead. It had something engraved on it, but she couldn't quite make out what for the sun's glare.

She blinked and realized that he was still talking to her. In fact, he seemed to have asked her a question.

"Erm..."

He appeared to have changed his mind, for he went on.

Ira gaped at him for a moment before remembering that she had a Patois Potion in her magically expanded bag (she liked to think she had everything in there, and this particular elixir allowed you to completely understand the first foreign language you heard once it was drunk). She'd found the recipe in some old French potion book at Grimmauld Place, and immediately attempted to make it. It took her three weeks to translate the formula well enough so she was sure it wouldn't blow up in her face when she tried to make it, and another half dozen tries to get it right. She had to translate it _manually_ because there was protection on that book of such a degree, not even Sirius knew what it was. And she knew better than to mess with something Black _and_ French.

She pulled out a small phial of a rose coloured liquid and innocuously took a sip. Speaking in archaic Japanese (it was an old book), she said:

"I apologize. C-Can you kindly repeat all that?"

The boy was happy to oblige.

**-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-**

"So. You woke me up at seven am just so we could get _dango?!_" Kari hissed. They were sitting outside Konoha's infamous dango shop, which the Special Jounin Anko visited on a daily basis. How she didn't get fat from all those sweets was a mystery. Then again, almost none of the Shinobi were overweight. Heck, none of them were out of shape at all, except for the Akimichi clan, who didn't count.

"Mmm. Yeah. Dango is good, ne?" He didn't bother looking at her, just waved his dango stick in her general direction.

Kari rolled her eyes and tried again. "What about _training_? I thought we were going to _train_."

"Chill, Kari. We don't need to train. At least we know the Chuunin Exams are today and prepared for it, unlike Team 7." He chuckled evilly. "I, ah, _overheard_ Shiko-sensei yelling at Kakashi for not telling his team about it. Apparently they only found out _yesterday_." He laughed again.

"Anyways, we're not like 9, they've been up since five doing some last minute training. I hit Training Ground 6 before I went to your place, and they were already there. Hyuuga almost tricked Tenten into impaling me with kunai. If she hadn't looked up..." He drew his finger across his throat.

"Still hasn't forgiven you for hitting on him, then." She paused and blinked. "Wait, what were you doing all the way there? I thought you swore to restrict your visits to team only, and to never go alone."

"Uh," Hiro coughed and quickly changed the topic. "7's got next to no teamwork skills. We already know that. As long as we don't put them in a life threatening situation, they'll be doing their own thing and generally messing up each other's plans."

"Nice try. What were you doing there at five in the morning? I didn't think you ever got up before seven."

"Give me some credit here! And it's none of your business what I do in the wee hours of the morning."

"Fine, fine. I'll stop prying, and you can get yourself out of trouble this time." She said and took another bite. "So we'll supposedly be able to take them out, no sweat? Have you thought of what might happen if we don't pass the first half of the Exam?'

"Pfft. Like we'd fail. It's a _paper test_, for Kami's sake, how hard can it be? _No one's_ gonna fail a _paper test_." He paused and snickered. "'cept for Uzumaki maybe."

"But if Naruto fails, 7 won't be able to continue, did you think of that?"

Hiro shot his team-mate a disgusted look. "Please, I know for a fact that they _will_ pass. They're the 'balanced' team, remember? Haruno and Uchiha are both frickin' smartasses and they'll make up for Uzumaki."

"If one person fails, the whole team fails, or did you forget?"

He smiled confidently. "They won't let him fail."

**-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-**

The boy, Uzumaki Naruto as she now knew, commenced repeating what he had said with the same vigour as the first time.

He first apologized, then went on to comment how he had never seen Ira in the village of Konoha before. He said something about being Hokage in the future and went on jabbering about something: the Chuunin exams, or whatnot, and how excited he was about taking them someday. Something about Hokage again. Then the fact that some boy on his team was always being an asshole to _him_, the future Hokage, and how much he hated that ugly prick. The exams would be easy and he would be Hokage soon.

As Uzumaki paused for breath, Ira had the chance to analyze what he'd said.

First, because she was on land and in a village, she figured her portkey hadn't worked properly and she'd ended up in Japan. (She never really _ever_ made those...) Second, he wasn't as normal as she'd first thought, because he was excited about taking an _exam_. Lastly, Uzumaki Naruto's dream was to become Hokage of this village... Now if only she knew what that was.

"You don't think I'm going to be Hokage, do you?" Uzumaki leaned into her and scowled.

"I of—"

"Well, I'm going to be Hokage and you can't stop me!!!" he was laughing again.

"Erm... U-Uzumaki-san—" Ira tapped her index fingers together in front of her, a sign of her impatience.

"You can call me Naruto!" He seemed to come to a realization. "You remind me of Hinata-chan!"

"Who—...N-Naruto-san... Can you please slow down a fraction and tell me where I—"

"You must be hungry! Come with me! I know a really good ramen place we can go to!!!"

Ira gasped as Uzumaki Naruto grabbed her wrist and started running at full speed. She fell forward but didn't quite hit the ground because of his grip. She actually flew for a moment before regaining her footing and attempting to keep up.

Stumbling and cussing, she tried to yell at him.

"Uzumaki-san! _Ouch! _Slow down!" He didn't seem to hear. "Uzumaki—_Naruto-san_!!! Somebody help! —_For Merlin's sake, unhand me, you barbarian! I am _not_ a rag doll!_"

Damn it, her Japanese was failing already. Listening to Naruto took quite a fair bit of energy it seemed. But it _really_ hurt. "Naruto-san, _Merlin_ _help you, for I swear_—" She gave up. Touching his back with her free hand, she cast a silent _Stupefy_.

Naruto froze and she crashed into him bringing them both down. Someone laughed from the shop next to them and Ira glowered in their general direction. The sun's brilliance here was _unbelievable_.

All sound from that side of the street ceased.

"Shit, she glares like Hyuuga!" she heard someone say.

Ira was glad to see that at least her patented glares hadn't lost their power. Her words seemed to have.

She got up and dusted herself off with as much dignity as she could muster. Then, as quickly as last time, she drank some of her Potion, sipping more this time, so as it would last longer.

"Was that really necessary?" she asked the blond boy in front of her. The _Stupefy_ had already worn off and he jumped up.

"What?"

"Hauling me halfway around your village? I am perfectly capable of walking on my own."

Naruto almost frowned at her glacial tones, but then, looking around, he exclaimed, "There's Ichiraku! Let's have some ramen, 'ttebayo!!!"

Naruto snatched Ira's wrist again and ran.

**-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-**

"—and then, we'll make Chuunin, and Hyuuga will finally _BOW DOWN TO ME!!!! MUAHAHA!!!!_" Kari watched as the group of kids near her glanced up, startled by Hiro's outburst, and edged away.

"Mmm....I really can't see Neji 'bowing down' to anyone." she replied absently. She took another bite and automatically scanned the street. Not that anything interesting would happen. Oh wait. Was that Naruto? In the distance, she could see an orange blur dashing towards them. Yep, definitely him. _Wait a minute... _Kari blinked.

Was he _dragging_ someone?!

They got a bit closer, and she could see that it was a tall girl with brown hair. She was dressed entirely in black, and grey from the dust cloud that Naruto kicked up. She also looked extremely pissed. Kari didn't see a hitai-ate, but somehow a good chunk of the shinobi population managed to find an alternate method of displaying their home village, so it didn't matter that much.

She calmly took another bite of dango as they ran past. Naruto then somehow tripped and went flying, executing a perfect face plant. He managed to pull the other girl with him, and they both ended up sprawled in the dirt. She chuckled quietly. Next to her, Hiro burst out laughing.

The girl whipped around and glared daggers at them. If looks could kill, they'd be nothing but a puddle of gunk on the ground—Kari wasn't sure if she would be spared. Either way, the glare had next to no effect on Hiro—he was used to being glared at.

"Shit, she glares like Hyuuga!" he exclaimed happily. Naruto, who had been motionless for a few seconds longer than normal, suddenly jumped up, grabbed the girl, and dragged her off.

"Well _you_ would know," Kari smirked, "Neji's _always_ glaring at you." she paused to take another bite. "I would too, if some retard burst into my training ground and started hitting on my sparring partner, before hitting on _me_." she laughed as Hiro winced at the memory. "Seriously, if you don't stop hitting on every single person you—_Hiro!_" She grabbed his ear and twisted. Hard.

"Hey—OW!" He pulled his eyes from a red-headed (female) and glared at his team-mate, rubbing his painful ear. "I don't hit on you _or_ Miyu-chan." he said pointedly.

"That's because we're practically related. We _were_ living together for the better part of three years, Kami bless Yuka-san." She stood up and tossed her stick in the trash. "I'm going shopping. Anything you need?"

"Senbon, kunai, and a few letter bombs won't hurt."

"Gotcha." She stood up, and turned back to him. "Oh, and Hiro? Go pack some meds. If we're going to pass, it'll be good to be prepared." Her team-mate nodded and walked off in the opposite direction.

Kari sighed. She really did hope they could pass. For the first time in years, rookies were allowed into the Exams. Going up against all those Genin, with so much more experience than her... it was nerve-wreaking. Hiro and Miyu might have been fine with it—Hiro lived in the present, and Miyu couldn't care less, as long as she had fun. Kari was the only one out of the three who was even the slight bit nervous. She liked to think she was the voice of reason and logic in her group.

**-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-**

Ira couldn't believe it. She was being dragged around _again_ after she'd specifically stated there was no need to touch her. This Naruto kid must be deaf.

But he seemed so happy…The ice encasing her heart from a moment before slowly melted at the sight of his grin. Maybe the dragging wasn't so bad after all. It's not like she knew where they were going.

Naruto paused outside a building long enough for Ira to see some kanji written on a couple of hanging pieces of fabric before she was hauled past them.

"This is Ichiraku's!" Naruto exclaimed, stating the obvious. "They make the best ramen in the world! You'll love it!"

She finally got a good look at the metal thing on Naruto's forehead. It looked to be some type of headband with a strange swirl insignia on it. She'd have to ask about it later.

"Ah, Naruto," a middle-aged man greeted the blond. Apparently, Naruto came here a lot. "Welcome. Who's your friend?"

"This is—" Naruto paused and looked at her, realizing he didn't know her name.

"Feye Ira," she supplied, remembering from somewhere that the Japanese said their surnames first.

"Ira-chan! She's here to have ramen with me!"

Ira almost started to protest, but then remembered it would be futile.

"A girlfriend, then," the owner teased. Ira shook her head quickly. He'd just found out what her name was, for Merlin's sake!

"No." Naruto seemed completely unperturbed. "I'll only have Sakura-chan! Now, give us two bowls of ramen to start with!"

The shopkeeper soon put the steaming bowls of noodles in front of Ira and Naruto, who by then were seated. Naruto dug in, while Ira stared into the bowl.

Why was this boy, who'd never even seen her before, being so friendly? Hadn't he noticed her appearing out of thin air? And now he was feeding her? He'd better be paying for this, because she didn't have any yen.

Ira almost snapped her fingers in realization. If she planned to live here, she needed money. She'd go to the nearest branch of Gringotts this evening and figure something out.

"Why aren't you eating?" Naruto demanded, interrupting her contemplations.

"I—I am not hungry."

He paused, trying to figure out how someone could pass up a bowl of ramen. "Try it. It's _reeeaaally goood_!!!" He picked up the bowl and waved it under her nose.

The food was tempting, but she pushed it away. "No thank you, Naruto-san. I have already eaten. At any rate, I do not possess any money."

Naruto looked at her, utterly bewildered. How could she refuse _ramen_?

"NARUTO!!!" A girl burst into the bar. "What are you doing to this poor girl? Trying to get someone to pay your ramen bill again?"

"Sakura-chan!" Naruto ignored her allegations and ran to her attempting to get a hug. He failed and she scowled at him.

So this was the girl Naruto was so intent on having. Ira almost smirked. How fitting to be named 'Sakura'. The girl had long pink (yes, _pink_) hair and was wearing some sort of red dress with a white circle on the front. There were tight black shorts underneath the dress and a holster attached to her right leg. (Ira glanced at Naruto and found he had the same type of holster on his right leg, too.) She wore the same exact shoes as Naruto, some sort of blue sandals. She _also_ had a headband thing, but this one was on top of her head.

They would indeed make a perfect couple, both equally loud and vivid, Ira thought, yet something told her to keep these thoughts to herself.

"You haven't forgotten about what Kakashi-sensei said, right?" Sakura glared at Naruto. "We're to meet at the Academy at three. You remember, right?" She seemed half out of her mind.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm not like Sasuke-teme."

"Don't call him that!!!" she screeched. "He's not the idiot here!!!" Well, Ira thought, Sakura was sure nice. She turned to Ira. "I'm Haruno Sakura. It's nice to meet you and all, but you'd better run before he makes you pay for his ramen." Ira tried to say something, but Naruto interrupted her.

"I wouldn't do that!"

"LIES!!!"

Naruto pouted and promptly ate the ramen that he'd been offering his new friend a moment earlier. Then he yelled at the shopkeeper for more.

"So," Sakura looked at Ira, all polite innocence. "What's your name?"

"I—Feye Ira."

"And what were you doing with Naruto, Feye-san?"

"I am unfamiliar with this village. He was showing me around…"

"At what have you seen so far?"

Ira didn't have to think about that. "Nothing except for Ichiraku."

Sakura sighed. She didn't seem surprised. "Then I think I'll take over, yes?" It was obviously not a question, so Ira didn't bother complying. Haruno had made up her mind. She took Ira's hand and started to drag her.

"Wait! What about Naruto-san?" At this point, Ira would do anything to not be dragged about.

Sakura glanced over to him and sighed. "Fine, we'll wait."

Naruto finished his customary million (Ira lost count) bowls of ramen then grudgingly paid for them all. The witch guessed most of the owner's profit came solely from Naruto.

Before she realized what was happening, _two _people were pulling Ira out of Ichiraku's and around the village. And this time, both of her wrists were being held, so even if she wanted to, she wouldn't be able to _Stupefy_ either of them.

**-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-**

Kari yawned and made her way to the Weapons Shop. She waved at the store clerk, who gestured to a small pile of bundles near the back. She shook her head.

"No, I'm buying today. Chuunin Exams, remember? A few pouches of senbon, a couple kunai, and three packs of letter bombs." The man nodded and handed over a wrapped package, which she tucked carefully into her bag before kneeling down to look at the pile of bundles.

"North end... south... Academy... north... west gate..." She sorted out over half of the bundles and picked them up. "I can take these for delivery." She said. The man made a note on a little clipboard on the table and smiled.

"Good luck for the Exams." He said pleasantly.

"Thanks!" Kari called over her shoulder as she turned to leave. A glint caught her eye and she turned to look at the new imported katana. It was made of tempered steel, with a slightly rippled pattern on the blade. The handle was silver as well, with a golden dragon gilded on. It was the most beautiful thing she'd seen. It was also the most _expensive_; costing over a hundred and fifty _thousand _ryo.

Kari sighed regretfully and exited the Weapons' Shop. It would almost be worth learning the katana if she could use such a marvellous weapon. Presumably Tenten would want it, but wouldn't be able to afford it. _Maybe I should tell Neji to get her it for her birthday_, she thought, and broke into a run.

She did deliveries for the Weapons' Shop in her spare time. It was an easy way to make a bit of cash, and running around Konoha helped build a fair bit of stamina. She knew that, as a girl, she had considerably less strength and stamina then males. However, she was more agile and could dodge better, which she preferred to strength. The lack of stamina was easily dealt with, and if she could make a bit of money along with it, then so much the better.

She trotted down a street and dropped off a few bundles, turned around, and kept going. Her stamina _had_ increased since she first started, a couple years ago. She could now keep running for over four hours, and the income was considerably higher as well.

Kari glanced at a nearby clock as she jogged by. She had five hours before she had to meet her team. That would be enough time to drop off all the packages and take a bit of a break from running, get lunch, and get to the Academy at three.

She wondered briefly how her team was doing. Hiro was probably enjoying his "time alone", and Miyu was definitely still asleep. Not that she could blame her. The only reason they didn't get Miyu to go with them was because the other girl was _extremely_ vicious and dangerous in the morning. Otherwise, she was about as much of a threat as a brightly coloured butterfly, with an attention span to match.

**-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-**

"—Hokage Mountain—" Naruto pointed into the distance.

"—Uchiha Compound, where—" Sakura pointed in the other direction.

"—be up there someday, 'ttebayo!—"

"—sure he loves me—"

"—training grounds—"

"—so wonderful and handsome—"

"—_Fourth Hokage!!!_—"

Ira's arms felt as if they were about to fall out of their sockets. The fact that she was being pulled in different directions didn't help.

"—Mrs. Uchiha Sasuke—"

"—teme!—"

"—Weapons Shop. You can—"

"—scroll-library place—"

"Wait, what?" Ira tried to catch sight of the 'scroll-library place' but it was already gone.

"—Yamanaka Flowers, but never go in there, it's run by a pig—"

Ira heard a girl's screech from inside the store.

"What was that, forehead?! You wanna get beat up?"

Suddenly, the three of them stopped and Sakura looked as though she was about to kill someone.

"Don't pay attention to her, Sakura-chan," Naruto said. "She's not…"

Sakura ignored him.

From inside Yamanaka Flowers came a pretty blonde girl wearing a purple skirt and top. Her hair was done up in a tight ponytail on the top of her head, and her bangs were over her right eye. She _also_ had a swirl headband, but his one was on her waist. She was scowling at Sakura.

"Don't talk about me that way, forehead."

"I'll say what I want, Ino-pig."

There was a pause, then the two girls lunged at each other, murder in their eyes. Ira, on impulse, jumped between them.

"Stop!" she shouted. She waited for the impact, but it didn't come. Looking at Sakura, then Ino, both scowling at each other, Ira sighed in relief. At least they'd stopped.

Ino looked at Ira critically.

"How come someone like you is hanging out with Naruto and forehead? You seem normal."

Sakura charged at Ino again, and Ira held her back without taking her eyes off Ino.

"They are showing me around your village." Ino raised a thin eyebrow. "It is slightly unfamiliar to me."

Ino beamed at her. "Then come inside! I'll give you a free flower as a welcome!" Ignoring both Naruto and Sakura, Ino pulled Ira inside the flower shop. "I'm Yamanaka Ino, by the way. What's your name?"

"Feye Ira." Naruto and Sakura followed them inside, both scowling.

"You're much too good to be seen with the likes of those two, Ira-san! Ditch them!" Ino's smile would have disarmed anyone weaker, but Ira held her own.

Smiling just as brilliantly, she said, "They are kind enough to introduce me to this charming locality. I could not possibly leave them."

Ino laughed. "They're just looking for friends, Ira-san! Don't be fooled!"

Ira smiled sweetly. She could learn to like this Yamanaka Ino. Perhaps they could be friends–she seemed to be adept enough with words.

"Oh!" Ino exclaimed. "That will be _perfect_!" She plucked a large red blossom from its vase and showed it to Ira. "This is the showy crab apple blossom. _Malus spectabilis_. Isn't it lovely?" Ira nodded. It was. "Much prettier than cherry blossoms, wouldn't you say? Those are _way_ overdone and _far _too pink."

Ira smiled at this, fully aware that it was an insult to Sakura. "Oh, I doubt that," she said, feigning ignorance. "They are both very beautiful." Ino pouted prettily and proceeded to tuck the red bloom behind Ira's ear. She leaned back to take a look at her handiwork.

She gasped. Running over to the counter, she pulled out a hand mirror and put it in front of Ira. "You look really nice!"

Ira studied her reflection. The flower did look nice, bringing out the green in her eyes. She touched it lightly, putting a slight Sticking Charm onto it. She didn't want it to fall out when Naruto and Sakura started dragging her again. Ira looked at the rest of her face. Her pale skin and protruding cheekbones; small nose and dark lips. She looked a bit younger than her eighteen years – Naruto, Sakura and Ino's age, she figured. Ira turned away.

"Thank you, Yamanaka-san. It really is a beautiful flower." Ira and Ino smiled at each other, this time genuinely.

"Ino's fine."

Feeling that they were getting a little too cozy for comfort, Sakura jerked Ira away. "I think we'll be going now," she snapped.

"Come back any time, Ira-san!" Ino called.

"I will. Thank you again." Sakura pulled Ira and Naruto out of Yamanaka Flowers.

"Why were you being so nice to her?" Sakura was livid. "She's a total bitch!"

"She seemed decent to me," Ira answered coldly, annoyed at the silly girl. "Is it so wrong to be civil to someone you have never met?"

Sakura sputtered. "You don't know what she's capable of!"

"Let's continue with the tour!" Naruto said loudly, interrupting the argument.

"You're right! Come, Ira-san!" Sakura made a grab for Ira's wrist, all problems forgotten, but Ira was prepared this time.

"Naruto-san, Sakura-san, I appreciate your concern for me and am grateful for your hospitality, but I feel as though I have wasted too much of your time already," Ira said quickly, trying to sound kind. "If you could just point me in the direction of your library, I would be very thankful."

Sakura looked rather put out and Naruto was confused. "Do not take the wrong impression, I enjoyed spending time with the two of you, but really, I would hate to intrude any longer." Ira tried to put as much charm as she could into those sentences.

"All right..." Sakura said slowly. "Let's go."

The three of them made their way down the street, Sakura and Naruto chattering amiably in her ear the whole time, but right before Ira was about to start climbing the stairs to the 'scroll-library place' Sakura held her back.

"You gotta promise me one thing."

"...It depends on what it is." Ira was careful. She owed Sakura _something_ for showing her around, after all.

"Promise me," Sakura looked deadly serious. "Promise me you'll never love Sasuke-kun."

Ira stared. "I—"

Naruto jumped in front of Ira's face. "Yeah! Promise us you'll never like him! Ever, ever, ever!!!"

"I—I do not even know who he—"

"That doesn't matter!" Sakura was desperate. She grabbed Ira's hands. "Promise me!"

"Promise us!!!"

Ira looked from one to the other. "I—I promise! Just—"

Naruto and Sakura hugged her tightly. "Thank you!!!" they both cried.

—_do not expect me to keep it…_

She managed to detach herself from the brilliant duo. "I—shall see you both later!" Ira called as she ran up the stairs. In her haste, she tripped and fell.

"Ira-san!" she heard Sakura call. "Are you o—"

"I'm fine!" she shrieked and kept running.

She didn't stop until she was safely inside the library. Ira took a deep breath and the musty odour of paper calmed her.

Those two were _insane_!

* * *

**Whew. Ten pages. **

_Or something. Say YES to conveniently placed plot devices!!_

**So read, review, and comment. **

_Ok, now there's this fancy little thing right underneath here. It's a lovely looking little green and white button that says, "Submit Review/Comment." What we want you to do is click on it and tell us what you think of _Madness_ so far. Even flames are welcome. They inflate our comment count. _^_^ _But be prepared to be flamed back with ten to twelve times more viciousness (depending on our mood). Constructive criticism is fine – flames are useless and annoying._

_**WE'RE REVIEW-WHORES! HUMOUR US!!**_


	2. Still Before The Chuunin Exams

A/N:

**Yes, we are aware of the title. I, **_**Ceridwen Inari**__, _**have decided to tell it like it is, which pisses **_**Ira Feye**_** and her OCD off.**

_She just likes to see me suffer. …But I __**like**__ this title…_

**HAHAHA… Seriously, anyone who is still here is either clinically insane, or, well, crazy. COME JOIN US.**

_We have a club! __**WITH COOKIES!!! -**__munching noises, mumbling- And no, __**I don't share**__._

**Except with me, bitch. YOU WILL SHARE THE DAMN COOKIES WITH ME!!!**

_Pft. You're funny._

**~*~**

_Thank you __**SO**__ much to _kaji-kun1995_ for adding this crap to your Favourites! It really made our day! The conversation on our shiny cell phones went something like this:_

_-Ohmigod, someone actually favourited Madness!!! –squeal-_

**-That was me. I figured it made sense, since I WROTE half of it.**

_-Is your username kaji-kun1995? I wish he'd commented…_

**-Oh… SOMEONE ACTUALLY READ MADNESS!!!**

_So thank you so much! Please leave a review this time, Kaji-kun. We'd love to hear from you! –glomps happily-_

**~*~**

**Vocabulary:**

Ryuuka no Jutsu – Dragon Fire Skill  
Goukakyu no Jutsu – Great Fireball Technique  
Hosenka no Jutsu – Phoenix Immortal Fire Technique  
Kage Shuriken no Jutsu – Shadow Shuriken Skill  
Kage Bunshin no Jutsu – Shadow Clone Technique  
Taju Kage Bunshin no Jutsu – Mass Shadow Clone Technique  
Bunshin Kaiten Kakatou Otochi – Clone Spinning Heel Drop  
Oiroke no Jutsu – Sexy Technique  
Haramu no Jutsu – Harem Technique  
Genjutsu Kai – Genjutsu Cancel

**Languages:**

"_English._"  
"Japanese."  
_Thinking._

* * *

**The Madness Begins**

**Chapter 2 – Still Before the Chuunin Exams**

* * *

"Thank you for your purchase!" The pretty blonde chirped, passing over a bundle. Hiro tucked it into his bag, and eyed the girl. She wasn't a kunoichi, that was for sure. Which made her boring, bland, and therefore not worthy of his interest. The girl smiled winningly and eyed him from under lowered lashes.

"Would you like anything else?" She murmured, obviously trying to be coy. She leaned forwards, in an attempt to emphasize her quite-there chest.

Bo-oring. Hiro rolled his eyes in disgust. Kami, couldn't these blondes use a different tactic for once? Sure, they worked the first couple of times, but for every single girl use the same freaking line over and over again was sickening.

He turned and left the shop without another word. Any longer in there and his brain cells would begin to die from exposure to blatant stupidity.

Then he saw him.

The guy.

He was blond, much like himself, and had a certain…look about him.

Hiro grinned evilly, and sauntered over.

"Hel_lo_ there." He drawled, swinging a casual arm around the guy, who blinked, confused. "If you have nothing better to do, how 'bout I treat you to lunch." He winked and nudged the guy, who flushed red and stammered.

"I-I-I can't I-I-I al-already I-I-I....." He trailed off.

"No?" Hiro mock pouted, before pulling a piece of paper out of his pocket. "Well, if you ever get the, ah, _urge_, come visit me sometime." Another wink, and he was off.

When he was a good distance away, Hiro stretched and yawned. It was about eleven, which meant that it was time to tame the beast. Or rather, wake-up-the-beast-and-hope-she-doesn't-rip-his-head-off. He sighed. Since there were only a few more hours to the Chuunin Exams, and since they only qualified as a team, chances were he'd survive the encounter. He hoped. Takahashi Miyu wasn't exactly... sane in the mornings.

Which made it interesting, so he was willing to risk life and limb to wake up Sleeping Beauty, who would probably run him through on the spot. With a teddy bear.

Hiro yawned and trotted down the familiar road to _her_ house. It was snug and cozy looking, with traditional paper doors and wooden frame work. It carried an aura of peacefulness and normality that was hard to find in a country that had 'shinobi' as the most common job.

You'd never think a pack of demons lived there.

Not that he didn't like them, of course.

Yuka-san was tall and willowy, with raven black hair and soft blue eyes. She was pretty enough, for a woman in her forties, and held an aura of command. There was a reason she took charge of the Takahashi clan after her sister and brother-in-law died. She took little, lost Miyu under her wing, and allowed Hiro and Kari to live there as well. She was kind, gentle, and reasonable.

Miyu, on the other hand, was a total airhead, unable to think more than three days ahead. She was frivolous, bubbly, and as un-ninja-like as a kunoichi could get. She was also living proof that all shinobi were bipolar.

Hiro casually let himself in, and was halfway through the building before his presence was noted. She burst through the kitchen door, brandishing a butcher's knife and a ladle. Her hair was tied back, and she had a murderous glint in her eyes.

"_Identify yourself this in_—oh. It's just you. Next time knock or something, don't just let yourself in. Sheesh." Yuka rolled her eyes and lowered the knife. "Miyu's not up yet." She said, gesturing down the hall. "Try not to destroy anything this time, okay? Those 'home improvement' asses are trying to get me to replace everything and I don't want to give them anymore ammunition." With that, she returned to the kitchen.

Hiro shrugged and continued on. He stopped outside a very... colourful door. Even if he didn't know who lived there, the pictures of smiling animals and the very battered and bruised state of the door gave it all away. Definitely Miyu's room.

He took a deep breath and, bracing himself for impact, kicked the door open.

"Miyu-chan! Time to ge—WHOA!!" A pillow shot by his head, narrowly missing him. A second slammed into his face, knocking him backwards. He sat up and scooted backwards, just as a shower of pens, stuffed animals, and one clock slammed into the spot he had been a second ago.

"Good morning to you too!" He yelled from around the doorframe, where he couldn't be hit.

Miyu screamed something incomprehensible, which was followed by another barrage of stuffed animals. Seeing her shadow loom menacingly through the doorway, Hiro turned tail and fled. Yuka didn't even bother turning around when he shot past her kitchen. It happened often enough that she was used to it.

Hiro paused long enough by the front door to yell, "I'm going to the library! See ya later, Miyu!" before he jammed his shoes on his feet and dove out the door.

**-:-:-:-:-::-:-:-:-:-**

Ira looked around at the Konoha library and was pleased to find that it was very similar to the one at Hogwarts. It was mostly full of books, but she saw quite a few scrolls tucked away in the compartments in between. She fought the urge to run over and straighten some of them, for they looked precariously close to toppling over. The young woman decided the librarians wouldn't appreciate her meddling and implying that they couldn't do their job properly. There seemed to be a decent amount of reading material all together and Ira smiled at the prospect of reading it all.

She scanned the collection again and realized that she had no idea where to start. There was a map plastered above the librarian's desk, so Ira headed over to it. Finding out exactly where she had landed was the first step.

As she got closed, a slight frown creased her features. Ira didn't know much world geography but she was sure she'd be able to recognize _something_.

The map was covered by land on the left side and mostly water on the right side, although this was full of islands and other areas of land continuing off the map. Right in the center of the drawing Ira saw the same swirl insignia as on Naruto, Sakura and Ino's headband things.

When she was close enough, she squinted at the kanji above the swirl.

"Country of Fire," she mouthed. There was more below. "Konohagakure. The Village Hidden in the Leaves." Ira looked at the swirl insignia again and this time it was easily recognizable as a leaf. She mentally punched herself for not realizing this sooner.

She looked to the top left. Country of Earth, Iwagakure the Village Hidden in the Rocks. Below this was the Country of Wind and Sunagakure – the Village Hidden in the Sand. In the top right, on a sort of peninsula was the Country of Lightning and Kumogakure – the Village Hidden in the Clouds. Below this, on a small island, was the Country of Water and its Village, Kirigakure, Hidden in the Mist.

Each country had its own insignia: The Earth - two rocks; The Wind - an hourglass; Lightning - some sort of puddle; and Water - four wavy lines... Ira rethought this. The symbol corresponded to the _Village_, not the Country, and therefore, the puddle was actually a cloud and the waves were mist...

She shook her head slightly to clear it and smiled. Surely this was a fake map! These places didn't exist!

An evil little voice in the back of her consciousness answered. _Neither does Hogwarts._ She ignored the little bugger.

Then it hit her.

If she'd never seen this place on a map before, that didn't really mean anything. Places like Azkaban, Hogwarts and even the Room of Requirement were made Unplottable, and therefore, you _couldn't_ know it was there just by looking at a map. But something of this scale… These countries could be housing Japan's whole magical population and _no one_ knew about it!

Ira gripped the edge of the desk as her vision focused on the leaf in the middle of the map. The Chuunin Exams Naruto kept going on about could be the equivalent of the OWLs she had taken herself a few years before. (But to be _excited_...) She felt a killer headache coming on.

"Can I help you?"

Ira flipped around to face the girl who had spoken. She was blonde and messy-haired with large round glasses that obscured most of her face. She was smiling slightly and looked friendly enough. Ira gave an internal sigh of relief. Not a Madam Pince type. Seven years with that woman would drive anyone crazy.

"I am looking for..." Ira answered slowly, "some basic information on..." she gestured to the map with her head and the girl seemed to understand, smiling.

"I know just the book!" she led Ira to one of the aisles. "Are you preparing a history lesson for the Academy?"

_The Academy?_ Ira chose the safest path and just smiled, letting the girl think what she will.

"I'd be terrified, you know. Talking in front of all those kids…Here it is!" She pulled a tome from a shelf and handed it to Ira. _The Complete History of the Five Shinobi Nations, Third Edition. _"This should be enough for a basic understanding of the Five Countries." Ira thanked her. "If you need anything else, just ask. I'm Shiho, by the way." She turned to leave.

"Erm, Shiho-san?" The girl turned around again, smiling. Ira gathered any Gryffindor courage she may ever have possessed and asked, "What do you know about witches and wizards?"

The blonde gave her an odd look. "You mean like on Halloween?"

Ira blinked and smiled. "Yes, just like on... Never mind."

Shiho smiled and was off, leaving Ira to her own devices.

She recalled seeing some tables set up on one side of the library and decided to go to there. On the way, she'd pull some more books from the shelves and hope they were useful.

There was one – _Shinobi Rankings and Classes._ Might be interesting. Ira reached for it and caught sight of her sleeve. She gasped and almost dropped _Complete History_. Her normally black clothes were now grey from a fine layer of dust covering her from head to toe!

She put her book down and stood away from the shelves. Looking around to make sure no one saw her, she pulled out her wand and waved it over herself casting as powerful a _Scourgify_ as she could muster. She looked at herself critically and cast some more on the places she'd missed.

When she was happy with the result, Ira picked up _History_ and put _Shinobi Rankings_ on top of it. She kept walking, running her fingers along the books and scrolls. A book was jutting out of its place and she took it. _The Clans of Konohagakure._

Deciding three was enough to start with, she headed to the end of the aisle to find a table.

Suddenly, Ira froze and quickly turned the books, spines facing her. '_Shinobi_' _Nations_, '_Shinobi_' _Rankings_... Didn't _shinobi_ mean... ninja?

She shook her head again. It wasn't her problem what these people chose to call themselves. They could think themselves gods for all it mattered to her.

The closest table was occupied by a blond, green-eyed teenager. Ira was about to walk past him when he looked up and smiled charmingly. He waved his hand, indicating she should sit across from him, and she obliged, wondering what he could possibly want from her. He reminded her of Cousin Draco.

"Hey, gorgeous. I've never seen _you _around here before, 'cause if I did, I'd remember." He smiled again.

Ira cocked her head. "Eh?"

**-:-:-:-:-::-:-:-:-:-**

Hiro blinked. It was one of the few times one of his one-liners didn't work, which made it... interesting. The girl seemed confused, probably because someone as good looking as himself (Hiro mentally preened himself) was paying attention to her. Besides, he actually hadn't seen her before. He took in her black robes, and glanced at the stack of books in front of her.

"'_History of the Five Shinobi Nations'_? '_Clans of Konohagakure'_?!" He read incredulously, "What are you, a foreigner?" The girl flinched, but he didn't notice. His mind was churning, racing through all the possibilities. If the girl wasn't a native of the area, then she'd need someone to, ah, _show her around_. Alternatively, she may have team mates or other people from, well, wherever she came from.

He smiled his charming smile again. "So," he said casually, "Where're you from? Since you're obviously not from around here, then you'd need a guide."

"Uzumaki Naruto-san and Haruno Sakura-san have already taken the time to show me around." She had a soft, quiet voice. Hiro nodded sagely.

"Ah. So you've met Uzumaki and Ha-Sakura-chan." He corrected himself smoothly, before flashing another charming smile. He was really turning on the charm, and, as he knew from previous experience, he was irresistible (Hiro mentally preened again).

"Well, then you should know your way around this place pretty well, if _they_ were with you...?" He waited for her to give her name.

"Feye Ira."

"Chikano Hiro." On a sudden impulse he took her hand and kissed her fingertips, bowing as well as he could while sitting down. "A _pleasure_ to meet you, Ira-san." He paused. "May I call you Ira-chan? Or is that too informal for you?" As he expected (and planned), she blushed and stammered.

"Oh, tha—that is alright."

Hiro smiled again. Again, like he expected. "So, Ira-chan," he gave a small wink, "are you here for the Chuunin Exams?" She stared back blankly.

"You know, the Chuunin Exams?" Hiro tried again, "For Genin?" A pause. "I guess not. Heh." He scratched the back of his head embarrassedly. "You're probably a spectator or something." She didn't reply, so he assumed he was right.

Hiro turned back to the book before him. It was bright pink, and covered with stickers of happy faces, rainbows, and hell knew what else. He avoided looking at the cover as much as possible. _Obviously_ it didn't belong to him. He, ah, _liberated_ it from Miyu's room, when she wasn't looking. It was also the most valuable thing he had ever gotten his hands on, aside from his gorgeous self, of course.

He noticed Feye glance at The Pink Thing with (polite) confusion. He couldn't really blame her. It _was_ hideous looking, and blindingly pink. It was _Miyu's_, after all.

"Not mine." He pointed at The Pink Thing. Her face cleared. "It's Miyu-chan's, and contains every bit of information she gathered off the other shinobi. It's also probably illegal information and should be handed over to the Sandaime," he added cheerfully, "so don't you go and tell anyone we have this gold mine." She nodded and continued to read _Shinobi of Konoha_, or something like it.

Hiro poured over The Pink Thing, which was written in pencil so changes could be made every three weeks or so, and reread the page for the second time that day.

_Uchiha Sasuke  
__Gender: Male  
__Birthday: July 23  
__Current Age: 15  
__Blood Type: AB  
__Team: Kakashi  
__Team mates: Uzumaki Naruto, Haruno Sakura  
__Known Jutsu: Ryuuka no Jutsu, Goukakyu no Jutsu, Hosenka no Jutsu, Kage Shuriken no Jutsu, Sharingan (?)_

_Statistics  
__Strength: Above average  
__Stamina: Average  
__Speed: Very high  
__Intelligence: High  
__Genjutsu: Below average  
__Ninjutsu: Slightly above average  
__Taijutsu: Slightly above average  
__Estimated Potential: __Very__ high_

_Other: May or may not possess Sharingan  
__Is stalked by half of all females in his age group_

There were even a few (stalker-ish) pictures of the Uchiha, although where Miyu got them he didn't know. Probably conned them off the Rabid Fangirls, although he vaguely remembered her bouncing around with a camera a good while ago.

He flipped the page.

_Uzumaki Naruto  
__Gender: Male  
__Birthday: October 10  
__Current Age: 15  
__Blood Type: B  
__Team: Kakashi  
__Team mates: Uchiha Sasuke, Haruno Sakura  
__Known Jutsu: Kage Bunshin no Jutsu, Taju Kage Bunshin no Jutsu, Bunshin Kaiten Kakatou Otochi, Oiroke no Jutsu, Haramu no Jutsu_

_Statistics  
__Strength: Average  
__Stamina: __Very __high  
__Speed: Average  
__Intelligence: Below average to above average  
__Genjutsu: Low  
__Ninjutsu: Average  
__Taijutsu: Low  
__Estimated Potential: __Very__ high_

_Other: "Kyuubi"? Unconfirmed.  
__Likes Haruno Sakura_

A picture of Uzumaki. Last time Hiro checked, he wasn't _that_ ugly. Or maybe he was. Either way, he didn't care. Hiro snuck a peek at Feye, who was reading her book with a look of such concentration he didn't think she'd notice if the library caved in until she went to get another book. He shuddered. How could she like _history_?!

He flipped the page.

_Haruno Sakura  
__Gender: Female  
__Birthday: March 28  
__Current Age: 15  
__Blood Type: O  
__Team: Kakashi  
__Team mates: Uchiha Sasuke, Uzumaki Naruto  
__Known Jutsu: Genjutsu Kai_

_Statistics  
__Strength: Really low  
__Stamina: Low  
__Speed: Low  
__Intelligence: High  
__Genjutsu: High  
__Ninjutsu: Below average  
__Taijutsu: Low  
__Estimated Potential: Fairly high_

_Other: Excellent chakra control  
__Is stalking Uchiha Sasuke_

Hiro snickered. Her forehead really _was_ hu—He froze. Behind him, the library gate was opening. Even though it had been opening and closing all the time, some instinct told him it was _her_. Perhaps it was the way her footsteps bounced, or the fact that he could practically_ feel _the sunshine-and-rainbows aura she gave off. He gulped and tried to act natural. _Please don't come here_, he begged silently. _Not now not now not now NOT NOW!!! Not while those girls at the table three to my left and one from the back still think I'm approachable and single!_

He could feel her gaze sweeping the room, and finally—inevitably—landing on him.

"Hiro-chan!" Miyu chirped happily.

_Damn._

**-:-:-:-:-::-:-:-:-:-**

Ira watched a black-haired girl bounce over and tightly hug an oddly stiff Hiro with hands full of rice balls on sticks. She brought an air of happiness and sunlight to their table of such a degree, that Ira unconsciously moved as far away as was possible without switching chairs.

_Ah_, she figured. Miyu-chan.

The girl was wearing a large white dress covered in random scribbles (the more she looked at them, the more they seemed to move, so for sanity's sake, she decided to stop trying to figure out a pattern), and had a leaf hitai-ate tied around her waist. She chattered into Hiro's ear brightly and munched on the rice.

Ira blinked and looked on incredulously. According to what she'd just read, the hitai-ate was indication that this girl was a ninja of at least the Genin level, capable of basic jutsu, martial arts and weapon use. Miyu didn't look capable of hurting a fly, much less a person.

Feeling a presence behind her, the witch turned around to find a teenage girl looking at Hiro and Miyu oddly.

"Are you two... together?" she asked them, the question mostly focused on the male.

Hiro looked up lazily and grinned. "Why, of cour—"

The rest of his sentence was cut off with a gasp as Miyu curled her hand into a fist and thumped his stomach playfully. Hiro doubled over, coughing, and clutching his abdomen in pain. Miyu proceeded to answer: "NOPE!!"

The girl's face ran through a collection of expressions, ranging from relief to worry and back to relief again, and she ran off to join her friends. Ira saw her shake her head at them and they all sighed happily.

Turning her green eyes back to Hiro, she was about to start fussing over him (as much as she could fuss and still look dignified), for he really _was_ a charming boy, but he waved at her to indicate he was alright. Ira raised an eyebrow; Hiro's face was still scrunched up in pain and he was rather red.

"Let's go, Hiro-chaaan!!!" Miyu grabbed The Pink Thing and Hiro, and started to literally _drag_ him out of the library. "Miyu-chan wants more dango! And some ice-cream!" Before they got too far, Hiro managed to throw a piece of paper onto the table.

He waved at Ira apologetically and she returned the gesture nervously. Even if she spoke about herself in the third person, Miyu was more dangerous than she looked. Ira picked the paper up and read the contents. They contained an address and a Muggle phone number. Rather confused, she tucked the paper into her bag. He must've had a perfectly good reason for giving this to her...

When the doors closed, Ira clasped her hands together in front of her and placed her lips lightly on the entwined fingers. The position indicated she was deep in thought, and anyone with even a passing acquaintance of the girl would know better than to interrupt.

Reading bits of _Complete History_ had proven useful, for now she knew who the shinobi were and what they could do. She'd glanced through parts of _Rankings_ when encountering strange concepts such as 'Jounin' and 'ANBU,' and found the whole thing fascinating – the shinobi were so _disciplined_!

She glanced at _Clans of Konohagakure_ and decided it would be best to read that particular volume later, when she was more comfortable with the whole notion of 'ninja.' She shook her head; this was all completely unbelievable...

Getting up quietly, Ira left the three books where they were, hoping no one would touch them. Heading towards the aisles, she went over the subjects she might need to read up on in her head: chakra, chakra use, jutsu, ninjutsu, genjutsu, taijutsu, kekei-genkai, weaponry, Chuunin Exams, the Five Countries... It was quite a list.

She sighed and read the aisle names. History... War Jutsu... Medic Jutsu... Genjutsu... Biography (it was rather bare in Ira's opinion)... Reference... and... Ira smiled. _Restricted Access_ was written in tiny letters on a tiny plate in a large aisle. It almost felt like home.

She looked around and was about to step into it, when she noticed a thin line of light on the ground. Bending down, she frowned at the pulsing light, hoping it was _not_ what she thought it was. Straightening again, Ira decided to be a Gryffindor and reached for the air above the line.

The air rippled like water, and the witch almost passed out from the blinding pain in her fingertips. Her arm went limp at her side and she couldn't feel anything below the elbow. Ira stepped back from the barrier and forced the blackness at the edge of her vision back.

Her arm wouldn't obey her mind's commands, so she used her other hand to lift the fingers closer for examination. Their tips felt like they were on fire and were dangerously red. Ira scowled at the aisle, thanking Merlin copiously that she was smart enough to not have stridden right in. If that were the case, she'd be lying limp on the ground and suffering from severe burns at this very moment, waiting for someone to come rescue her.

Scowling even more profusely, Ira pulled out her wand, realizing she needed a healing before the symptoms spread. The problem was she was never very good at healing. In fact, she was downright pathetic. Scratches, bruises, and shallow flesh wounds were her absolute limit; anything serious, like a broken bone, was far beyond her. She was a duellist. She wasn't _supposed_ to heal.

She cast a few diagnostic spells and sighed in relief at the results – the burns were easy enough to heal (they were small), and the nerves in her arm were not damaged, only temporarily inactive. She'd just have to wait it out.

"_Nebirnan_," Ira whispered, tapping her fingertips and the pain eased up slightly. She rolled her eyes and cast again. As always, she needed to cast a simple healing spell numerous times before it worked properly.

She strode into the other aisles, oddly content. If the Restricted Section was so well protected, she mused while pulling books from their shelves, there would be something in there worth reading. It would be fun to test herself against a jutsu, to see just how well it could stand up to her magic. And the restricted material could serve as her prize.

Smiling, Ira carried a precariously teetering pile of books (in one hand) to her table and set them down carefully. Getting comfortable, she settled down to read, hoping no one would interrupt her for the rest of the day. Judging by the size of the pile and the books themselves, she would need it.

About half an hour into her reading, the kanji on the page grew blurry and she rubbed her eyes in confusion. She hadn't been reading for all that long... She tried to keep going but the meaning seemed to escape her, and the girl realized that the last couple of pages read had completely escaped her memory.

Ira frowned deeply at the page and gasped as the syllables transformed into unintelligible scribbles right before her eyes. She blinked, looking at the hieroglyphs, and slowly, something popped into place.

Reaching in her bag, she pulled out a vial of the rose-coloured Patois Potion and took a sip. The scribbles turned back into perfectly understandable writing and she sighed. What a silly thing to get worked up over.

For the next couple of hours, Ira kept reading without interruption.

When she was right in the middle of memorizing the twelve jutsu hand seals, a shape loomed over her. She didn't notice it until the shape spoke in monotone.

"You. You'll do quite nicely."

Ira turned around to look up at the woman who had spoken. She was tall and stern-looking, with a perpetually scowling face. Her fiery red hair was pulled into a tight bun at the back of her head, and not even one strand dared to get out of place. Her hitai-ate was on her forehead and she was wearing a green tactical vest over black clothing, indicating that she was at least a Chuunin level ninja.

The woman was flanked by two teenagers, a boy and a girl, with the same red hair and blue-grey eyes as their mother. They looked to be twins, and both were staring at the ground, as though they would rather be anywhere but here. Both had hitai-ate tied around their heads – the girl's facing left and the boy's facing right.

"'Nicely' for what, if I may?" Ira asked, her voice like ice. She didn't like the look this woman was giving her.

She sneered and leaned over the younger female, whispering. "Watch your tongue, _civilian_. Or I might rip it out."

Ira stood up quickly, forcing the woman to take a step back. "Do you _need_ something?" she hissed, putting as much venom into her words as possible. The twins visibly flinched.

"As a matter of fact, I do." She grabbed Ira's numb arm in a vice-like grip, almost breaking the bone. Once the nerves in her limb recovered, that arm would be in _agony_. "Come with us."

As she was being pulled out of the library, Ira caught sight of Shiho at her desk and was about to call out an apology, but the expression on the young woman's face stopped her.

Shiho looked close to tears as she watched Ira get pulled out the door and she seemed to be fighting with herself. Her pitying countenance made the witch wonder: _What the hell is going on?_

**-:-:-:-:-::-:-:-:-:-**

Hiro smiled agreeably as he paid for Miyu's pile of dango and the ice cream. Dammit, he had to dip into his date money to pay for all that. Again. Of course, he _was_ going to pay. Hell hath no fury like Miyu off her sugar high, and he wanted to retain his sanity for a while yet.

"Soooo. Now that you've eaten, can we go? If we're late, Kari'll yell at me, even though it's _your_ fault." Hiro's smile was growing strained, but he kept up the effort valiantly.

"Okies!" Miyu was happy, that was a good thing. As long as she was, she'd go along with almost anything. Hiro stuffed his hands in his pockets and checked for his application. Yep, it was there, along with Miyu's. She was so scatterbrained, chances were that she'd lose it while walking upside-down around a lake or something. So Kari had convinced (read: threatened to burn all his porn) him to take Miyu's after she filled it out.

"Hiro! Miyu! Over here!" He turned around, the charming smile already on his face. Kari waved again, and they made their way over.

"What's up?"

"Someone's beating up Lee, come on!" She grabbed his arm and dragged him up the stairs, Miyu dogging their footsteps.

"Wait, wait. Someone's beating up _Lee_? _The_ Rock Lee? Shit." They pushed through the crowd, to find Lee on the ground, rubbing a bruise.

"Hah! You plan to take the Chuunin Exam with that?!" A boy sneered. "You should quit now, you're just a little kid."

"Yeah, yeah." His partner grinned, reminding Hiro of those low-intelligence grunts that were hired to be bodyguards/henchmen, also known as "cannon fodder". They were standing in front of a door labelled "301". Supposedly that was where they were supposed to go, except for the fact that _they were on the second floor_. Hiro glanced at Kari, who inclined her head slightly. So she noticed as well.

"Please, let us through." Tenten stepped around her team-mate, only to be knocked down by the first guy. At this, the crowd started to mutter unhappily. They didn't like to see this anymore than Hiro did.

"We're being nice," the first guy sneered, "the Chuunin Exam isn't easy, and we failed it three times straight. Some don't survive, others go crazy. We've seen them all."

"You kids act like it's a joke. Chuunin lead missions, and the lives of your squad members are in your hands. You guys still think you can pass? We're just gettin' rid of those that'll fail anyways, what's wrong with that?"

"Hiro!" Kari hissed, "7 made it!" He turned to see Uchiha Sasuke strutting down the hall like he owned the place.

"Nice speech. Now step aside and let me through." Of course, this was delivered in monotone, like usual. Damn prodigies. "And while you're at it, take off the genjutsu. I'm going to the third floor." The crowd murmured in confusion, making Hiro stifle a snicker. _Yeah, like _those_ idiots'll make Chuunin. Since they can't even see through a basic genjutsu, they'll be lucky to live through the Exam._

"Sakura, you must have noticed first, since your analytical ability and genjutsu ability is the best on our team." Well, well. So Mister Stick-Up-My-Ass had a heart. The thought was almost enough to make Hiro burst out into laughter. He was making sure Haruno didn't chicken out, more like.

"Of course I noticed, this is the second floor." She did sound more confident, and not like her screeching fangirl self.

"Thank you for pointing out the obvious," he heard Kari mutter under her breath.

"Not bad, but all you did was see through it!" The first boy, the one who wouldn't shut up, swung a kick at Uchiha, who moved to counter it. Right next to him, Lee _blurred_ and jumped in, angling himself to block both kicks. Hiro hid a smile. The stupid look on Sasuke's face was _priceless._

"Hey. What happened to the plan? I thought you were the one who said to keep a low profile." Neji said with his usual air of superiority and contempt. Lee all but ignored him, having seen Haruno. Of course, Hyuuga didn't like that, but it was almost impossible to see his pissed-off expression, there being none.

"Are you Sakura-san? My name is Rock Lee. Will you be my girlfriend? I'll protect you with my life!" This was punctuated with a wide (read: sparkly) grin and silence. Haruno looked like she'd rather have her arm ripped off.

"HAH!" Hiro doubled over, letting go of Kari.

"Hiro…kun..? Is something the matter?"

"No…" he managed to force out, "I'm fine." He straightened. "Dude, I hate to break this to you, but Ha-Sakura-chan's life goal is to get attached at the waist to Uchiha. No, wait. Then it'll be hard for them to ha—" Pain exploded through his side and he fell over. Miyu beamed and prodded him again.

"Hey. You." Of course, Hyuuga just _had_ to draw attention from his magnificent self. Hiro felt like giving him a piece of his mind, but the look from Kari said plainly that she wouldn't be paying for his hospital bill a second time. And he couldn't move his pinkie, let alone his body. Damn that Miyu. Damn _Kari_ for _telling_ Miyu. "What's your name?"

"It's common courtesy to give your own name before asking someone else's."

"You're a rookie, right? How old are you?"

"I don't have to answer that."

Hiro wasn't paying attention to what happened next, being more concerned with the fact that he was stabbed, _again_. When he finally looked up, both 7 and 9 were gone.

"Wait, what just happened?"

"They left. Neji and Tenten went that way," Kari pointed, "and Lee went after 7. He looked _really_ intense."

"Really…" Hiro mused, accepting her offered hand, "d'ya think he'll pick a fight?" It would be interesting to see Uchiha get his fragile ego or his body pounded into the dirt. He wasn't picky which happened. Lee verses Uchiha…he might stand a chance if he had the Sharingan, but still… this was _Lee_ they were talking about—_The _Rock Lee, Taijutsu expert and Green Beast of Konoha (2).

"What do you think, Miyu-chan?" It was always good to ask her, the walking databank.

"Ummm." She scrunched up her face, thinking hard. "The possibility of engagement is very high. Sasu-chan's a Uchiha, so that makes Lee-chan wanna test himself against him more, to see how Sasu-chan measures up to Neji-chan, who's a Hyuuga and a prodigy, and whether or not he's a worthy opponent. Lee-chan'll probably think that if he can beat Sasu-chan, it means he's getting stronger and it'll boost his self esteem, which, in turn, will make him more confident in the belief that, one day, he'll surpass Neji-chan." She blinked and smiled happily. "At least that's what Miyu-chan thinks."

Kari nodded. "Good enough, let's go."

* * *

**Yeah. If any of you are wondering, Shiho's that girl in the cryptology squad, chapter 406. We're guessing she's blonde. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, just ignore this, seeing as how she won't come back until later. Waaaaaay later.**

_But she's __**fun**__!_

Fun fact: _The line of _" Ira decided to be a Gryffindor and reached for the air " _was originally _" Ira decided to be an idiot and reached for the air " _Because _idiot_ and _Gryffindor_ are synonyms, I decide to change it. XD_

**Heh. Now all the angry Gryffindors will be out for your blood. It's not that we don't like Gryffindors, it's just that Ira-chan is a Slytherin at heart, and I'm a Ravenclaw. Ambition plus genius. Scary combo, ne?**

_They'd have to catch me first~ Heh. Both of us are actually a mix of the two, but the respective houses represent the more prominently displayed traits._

Ira – cunning and ambition _(read: evil) (People always think I'm so innocent and nice. And then they get to know me...)  
_Ceridwen – intelligence _(read: evil) (Ceri-chan is just cute and glompable. -glopms-)_

_Yes, we are quite terrifying that way._

…_I love how we're discussing Harry Potter in a Naruto-centered fic. We're so great._

**~*~**

_Ok, kids! __**Clickie, clickie!!!**_

_**REVIEW FOR US AND BE SPARED UNIMAGINABLE TORTURE.**_

**You know, you'll run out of threats some day. Then where will we be?**

_Then you will finally see the wonder that is a Dictionary and Thesaurus set._


	3. We're Getting There

A/N:

_Yay! More Madness! We're so proud of ourselves!_

**Have you noticed that each part is getting longer and longer? Before it was, like, TEN parts, but now there's only five. We're really getting into this…**

**THIS CALLS FOR CELEBRATION!!! BREAK OUT THE BOO—er, I mean, candy. Yes. Candy. And cookies. Who needs drugs when you can get high off sugar? It's the same thing, 'cept you get to keep your brain cells. :D**

_Yay for brain cells! We need them to plot!_

**~*~**

**Vocabulary:**

Dobe – dead last, (_or if you prefer_) moron  
Arigato – thank you

_...Do I really have to do the language thing again?_

* * *

**The Madness Begins**

**Chapter 3 – We're Getting There...**

* * *

The vicious red-headed woman pulled Ira into the nearest alley outside the Konoha library and the twins followed dejectedly, gesturing as much as they could without drawing attention to themselves that she should _not_ under _any circumstances_ struggle. Ira nodded to them and completely ignored the advice.

"Perhaps I should report you to the Hokage, madam," she said loudly, putting on her most business-like voice, perfectly aware of the fact that the woman wanted to keep their transaction secret. "I trust you are aware of the laws prohibiting the manhandling of _civilians_ by shinobi such as yourself, if said civilians have nothing to do with your current mission or have done nothing to provoke violence." Ira hoped such a law existed. "I _demand_ to be released."

Her arm was let loose and she stumbled back slightly. Ira was silently grateful that it was still numb; otherwise she'd be in _intense _pain (she wasn't looking forward to getting the feeling back in her arm anymore). The woman scowled at her, obviously expecting a display of more emotion than the slight annoyance she received from the girl.

"What can I do for you?" Ira inquired politely, her face a mask. Now that she was quite trapped, it was a good idea to play along.

"I'm Futari Shizuka, Jounin. You will be participating as the third member of Konoha's Team 6 in today's Chuunin Exams."

The twins were looking at the ground, clearly uncomfortable. "Maybe we should just wait " the girl started. A slight movement from the Jounin silenced her.

Ira smirked, forgetting the position she was in. "You sound as if I have already agreed, Futari-chan."

The woman ignored the slur to her rank and carried on as if Ira hadn't spoken. "The first part is a written exam, which you _will_ pass whether you're an ignorant little bitch or not." She pulled out a piece of paper and handed it to her children. "I have managed to find out what the first nine questions of the exam are, and have taken the liberty of writing out perfect answers to them. You will memorize and use them. The tenth question was impossible to find, but I still expect you to get it perfect." The twins nodded obediently but Ira was still smirking. This was all highly amusing; Futari visibly restrained herself from breaking something (mainly Ira's neck).

"The second part is surviving in the Forest of Death," she went on, once under control again. "If the girl becomes a liability, feel free to knock her out, but make sure she survives. You need all three members of your team to make it out alive to pass." The twins nodded again. Ira glared at them and they shivered. She needed to make it perfectly clear that they were _not_ going to touch her. Futari gave the two a scathing glower. "Unlike last time, do you understand me?" They shrunk under the combined stares and bobbed their agreement.

"The third part is one-on-one combat. At this point, the Exam becomes individual so you can just quit," the woman spat at Ira. "If you decide to stay, your death will not be my responsibility, and you would've proved to me that you're even dumber than I first thought."

"Just _how_ dumb do you think I am?" Ira drawled. Just like last time, she was ignored, but a vein was throbbing in the sensei's temple.

Futari turned to the twins. "Make sure to get rid of Uchiha Sasuke and Hyuuga Neji in the Forest of Death. They will be the most dangerous in the third part."

The venomous red-head then pulled out what looked like a rigid piece of cloth from one of her numerous pockets and shoved it in Ira's direction. "Put this on." The witch raised an eyebrow sardonically. Futari shrugged, "Suit yourself," and dropped the hitai-ate into the dust. The girl would wear it, or she would wear it dirty.

The Jounin was turning to leave, but stopped. For the first time, she seemed worried, to an extent, about the well-being of her team. "Morino Ibiki is one of the exam proctors this year. Don't listen to _anything _he says."

The twins saluted. "Yes, sensei!" Futari nodded and finally left.

They stood completely still for a moment, while Ira was busy looking for the easiest way to get out. They turned to her, blue-grey eyes pleading.

"Please help us with this!" the girl cried.

"Else she'll eat us alive," the boy continued.

"Not alive, silly," the girl turned on her brother. "M—Futari-sensei'd cook us first."

"With sauce an' seasoning, an'—"

"Serve us with salad, an'—"

"Drag guests over, an'—"

"Silence," Ira snapped. The twins gulped, hung their heads, and stood perfectly still. "Now move out of my way."

They looked up quickly. "Why?" Their synchronization was creepy.

Ira answered patiently. "So I can leave. It would be rude to push you out of my path, so I was phrasing it as a request instead."

"You can't go!" the girl exclaimed. "We need you!"

"And _I_ need—" Ira paused. To get back to her reading, of course. She wanted to learn some jutsus and try them out soon... But wouldn't it be useful to see the shinobi in action? That way she could judge just how much magic she could use without becoming suspicious. She could just leave after her observations anyway. "What are your names?" she asked slowly.

"Futari Tara." The girl.

"Futari Toro." The boy.

"I am Feye Ira… Where is the original third member of your team?" Tara and Toro looked at the ground and mumbled something. "Louder, please."

"We'd best not say, Feye-san" Tara answered, her voice barely above a whisper.

"That's classified information, that is," Toro added, his voice just as quiet.

Ira frowned down at them (they were slightly shorter than she was, and were stooping anyway). She had a vague idea why they refused to answer. "Let me think," she murmured and paced in the cramped space of the alley.

On one hand, there was the International Statute of Secrecy to think about. Revealing herself as a witch was a very serious offence; the Ministry might break her wand it two! (Ira shuddered at the thought.) And she really needed her wand. Some simple spells she could do wandlessly, sure, but they were really not enough for someone who depended on magic as much as she did. Brewing potions without a wand was possible, but not recommended. And her few experimental rune circles needed a wand-wielder to control them…

On the other hand, even if she did use her magic, she doubted anyone would ever know. She had been of age for quite a while now (so she could use magic as much as she wanted, thank you very much!). She hoped that the Five Countries _were_ Unplottable, because that would interfere with the Ministry's magic Trace. If it didn't, the Ministry would only look for magic being used in a Muggle area, and what they would see was magic in the middle of the Pacific Ocean – hardly cause for concern. She still hoped the shinobi's chakra was powerful enough to cancel out her magic signature, making her wand use untraceable, and therefore eliminating all danger of discovery. If the Ministry _still_ managed to find a way drag her off to court, Ira'd claim some sort of breach of privacy and anything else she might possibly pin on them. (She would also set someone as insufferable as, say, Hermione Granger on them – let's see if they could handle _that_.)

But she really _did_ need to watch the ninja work. It would help her integrate herself into this society and see what magic she could do and _not_ have people run away screaming.

Ira picked up the hitai-ate, still in thought, and shook it out. Some dirt remained, so she cast a _Scourgify_ silently, hoping it would be enough to leave it clean. The light breeze moved it around a little and turned it on a perfect angle for her to see it shine in the weak light. Tara and Toro's heads were still down.

Grinning stupidly, Ira clutched the cloth in one hand putting it on would have to wait until she could move both arms. She schooled her face into its usual mask of indifference before addressing her now team-mates. "Shall we get moving?"

She couldn't help but break into a smile at the sight of their faces – they looked as if she'd just saved them from a painful and gruesome death.

"Yeah, Feye-san! Let's go!" they both yelled and ran off.

The witch followed them out into the street. Tara and Toro were already far ahead, both with their noses stuck in the paper their mother had given them. Ira didn't allow herself the indignity of laughing out loud, but she followed at a trot, beaming.

**-:-:-:-:-: :-:-:-:-:-**

Hiro, dragging Kari, appeared on the top of the stairs, in time to see Rock Lee spin and send Sasuke flying with a kick to the face.

"NO! NO! NO, DAMMIT!!!" Hiro screamed, "HOW COULD YOU MAKE ME MISS IT?!?!" He pointed an accusing finger at Kari, who ignored him. Surprisingly, neither 7 nor Lee noticed the screaming ball of fury that was her team mate. "How _could_ you make me miss _half_ of what would be the most _satisfying_ match in _history_?!" He proceeded to sob dramatically into his hands, which was also ignored.

Below, Sasuke got to his feet and closed his eyes. When he opened them a second later, they were a demonic shade of red. Haruno all but squealed like a demented fangirl.

"The Sharingan…" Kari whispered. She had to admit, it was impressive.

"Wait, wait, what?" Hiro dropped the self-pity act and glanced down. Slowly, a smile spread over his features. It wasn't the charming smile, the one he showed to the pretty girls (and boys). This was the other Hiro, the one who could – and would – poison an entire household, cute little children and all, on a whim – the one that no one outside of his "family" had ever seen. This smile was far from pleasant.

Miyu stood on her other side. Her eyes were ice cold and sharp, and it was clear that nothing would escape her notice. The corner of her mouth twitched. Both members of her team were acting out of character. Most shinobi were shocked that they had passed, as Hiro was incredibly self-centered, and Miyu was unable to concentrate for more than a few seconds at a time. Anyone who visited their training ground would find them alone, without Shikogami-sensei, and slacking worse than 10 on a 'bad' day.

Kari turned back to the fight below her. She knew her job – all she had to do was make sure she knew exactly what happened, so she could help Miyu and, later, Hiro break down the moves and find a skill to counter it.

Sasuke charged at Lee, obviously trying to see through the ninjutsu/genjutsu. Kari suppressed a smirk. _Prodigies. They just can't accept that there's someone better than them. Silly Sasu-chan, there _is_ no ninjutsu/genjutsu._ She blinked. _Wait, why am I thinking like Miyu?_

Lee dropped and slammed a leg up, sending Sasuke flying through the air (again). Miyu giggled. He landed, albeit ungracefully.

"You see, my techniques are neither ninjutsu _nor_ genjutsu." Lee charged at Sasuke, letting loose a flurry of blows and kicks, before slamming an elbow into his gut. "It is said that the Sharingan has the ability to read ninjutsu and genjutsu by deciphering his hand seals and movement, which gives you an advantage. Taijutsu is different. Even if you can read my movements, your body cannot keep up." Lee knocked Sasuke into the air for the third time, before dropping to his feet and launching himself upwards, appearing directly underneath him.

"Kage Buyo…" Hiro said quietly. The girls nodded slightly.

"Do you know? There are geniuses, and hard workers who must train daily to master skills. You are a genius from the Uchiha Clan. I am a hard worker who has mastered taijutsu. I will prove with this technique, that hard work can surpass genius!"

A toy windmill shot through the air and pinned the trailing edge of Lee's bandage, which had magically come loose during the fight.

"THAT'S ENOUGH, LEE!!" A giant maroon and gold turtle appeared. Lee obediently rolled and dropped. Sasuke, however, landed like a rag doll and had to be caught by Haruno. Naruto was staring at Ninkame with a dumbfounded expression on his face. She could see him visibly working something out in his head.

"Do you think Uzumaki's drawing the wrong conclusions?" A voice said in her ear. Kari didn't take her eyes off the turtle, who was effectively chewing Lee out.

"Probably. He _is_ an idiot." A movement at the door caught her eye. In strode 6, who were the only team not from the Academy. The Futari Twins were taught by their mother, who was the biggest bitch around. There was another girl with them – she had long brown hair, and was dressed solely in... black. Something about her seemed familiar, but she couldn't remember what.

An explosion drew her eye back to Ninkame.

"YOU GUYS ARE THE EPITOME OF YOUTHFUL ADOLESCENCE!!" 9's sensei, Maito Gai, had appeared, in all his green spandex-clad glory. _Dynamic Entry indeed._

Hiro snickered and nudged her. "Check out 6 and 7," he grinned. Kari looked.

7 had expressions of horror etched on their face, including the usual frowning Uchiha. 6, on the other hand, were... varied. The Futari Twins were cowering behind the other girl, who looked like she was going into shock. Her team, of course, wasn't affected. They were used to it, along with the freaky resemblance between them and the burst of violence followed by tears, hugging, and the sunset-waterfall-ocean-rainbow thing that the two Green Beasts conjured up. Said dramatic hugging resulted in another outburst of horror (the Futari Twins stayed behind the girl).

"Hey, you guys," 7 jumped at being addressed by Gai-sensei. "How's Kakashi doing?"

"You know Kakashi-sensei?" Gai chuckled at Haruno's naivety, before appearing behind them.

"People refer to us as 'eternal rivals'," Gai stated proudly. Kari's team grinned openly. It was also well known that Kakashi was still quite unaware of the so called 'rivalry'. "50 wins, 49 losses. I'm stronger than Kakashi."

"Heyyy!! Gai-sensei! Up here!" Hiro leaned over the railing and waved. 7, 6 (apart from the unknown girl), and Lee looked up, showing surprise. Preoccupied or not, they, as shinobi, were supposed to have sensed 12's presence.

"Shiko's youthful students! You're taking part as well?"

"Yeah!" Hiro answered before Kari could. "We're gonna kick 7's ass!" This was delivered with a smirk at Sasuke, who scowled. "You can't beat Lee, Uchiha. He's _much_ stronger than you." Sasuke actually _snarled_, making Hiro smirk again.

"Well, you guys and Lee should head to the classroom." The Green Beast of Konoha (1) flicked his wrist, throwing a kunai that unpinned Lee's bandage before disappearing.

Lee wound up the trailing edge of said bandage, before stopping and looking Sasuke in the eye. "Sasuke-kun, I will say one more thing. The truth is, I came here to test my abilities. I lied before. Most likely the strongest Konoha Genin is on my team. I've—"

"Oi! Uchiha!" Hiro leaned over again. "He's not kidding! We've scrapped with 9! Hyuuga'll eat you alive!!!" He smirked again and turned around. "We'll see you later Lee. Uzumaki. Uchiha. Sakura-chan." Simultaneously, all three members of Team 12 performed Shunshin no Jutsu.

**-:-:-:-:-: :-:-:-:-:-**

Ira was rooted to her spot, any brain activity completely on default. She was breathing and her heart was beating (both far too erratically for comfort), but every other part of her mind was silent, (attempting) to get over the shock. She had just seen a man clad in green spandex, with black hair in a bowl cut, and the largest eyebrows she had ever seen, _erupt out of a turtle's back_. He then proceeded to: yell something about youth; lecture a boy who could be his clone; beat him up; cry; laugh; speak to some kids who were just as dumbfounded as she was; and, finally, leave.

She was somewhat aware of Tara and Toro cowering and whimpering behind her, just as terrified of the man in green. Something in her mind clicked, and Ira thought that maybe she should comfort them. She shooed the thought away immediately; since when has she been capable of _comforting_ people?

Two people yelling her name finally jerked her out of the stupor. Two adolescents, one wearing orange while the other red, crashed into her and pulled her into a rib-breaking hug.

"Ira-chan," Uzumaki Naruto yelled into her ear, "I didn't know you were a Genin!"

"Ira-san," Haruno Sakura yelled into the other, "You're taking the exam? This'll be so much fun!"

Tara and Toro were smart and slinked away, leaving Ira to face the Brilliant Duo, as she'd privately dubbed them, alone. She glared after them, but they were intent on the raven-haired boy on the other side of the room, and didn't notice.

She glanced over the boy (who was very handsome, she had to admit) and took as much of a step towards him as she could manage with Naruto and Sakura still hanging onto her. "Is he alright?" she asked, worried. He was covered in scratches and bruises, wincing slightly with every movement.

"Teme's fine!" Naruto yelled. "I beat 'im up all the time, 'ttebayo!" The boy in question glanced up at this and gave Naruto a scathing death glare (which the latter ignored with practised ease). Ira decided that the lighting in this room was terrible, because there was _no_ way _in hell_ that the boy's eyes were red. He blinked, and the colour was gone. A simple trick of the light, the witch concluded.

"Yeah, Ira-san," Sakura said. "Now, I just want to…" she trailed off, unable to think of something to say. Ira was being dragged in the opposite direction from the boy, and was quite aware that they wanted to keep her away from him. She glanced over her shoulder. The Futari Twins were circling the boy, as though stalking a cornered animal, and whispering to him. He snarled at them, not at all happy at the attention, but they kept at it, smiling brightly.

The witch, completely ignoring the Brilliant Duo's rants, somehow managed to break free of their grips and headed over to her knuckleheaded team-mates. "Tara. Toro," she snapped. "Leave him be." Anything more from them, and Ira was sure the boy would kill everything in sight.

The twins jumped and hung their heads, muttering apologies, both to her and the boy. Whatever fancies they had about following Futari-sensei's orders were gone now.

"My name is Feye Ira," she said to the black-haired boy. (She pouted internally; he was taller than she was.) "I apologize for my team-mates' idiocy. I am certain they were not aware that you were not in the mood to put up with their…" she glanced over to the twins, looking for the right word, "antics."

He nodded _very_ slightly, acknowledging, but probably not accepting, her apology.

Sakura spoke up, completely miserable at introducing the love of her life to a girl who _didn't_ have a forehead as big as hers. "That's Uchiha Sasuke, Ira-san. He's on mine and Naruto's team." (Said orange-clad teenager was sulking at the interest Uchiha was receiving.)

Ira inclined her head a little, as much of a bow as she would ever allow herself, and stuck her hand out. She positioned it carefully, somewhere in between a handshake and a lady-like expectation of a kiss, just in case the custom here was to peck a woman's hand, as Chikano Hiro had done earlier. She smiled benevolently. "A pleasure to meet you, Uchiha-san."

For a moment everyone was frozen, awaiting Sasuke's reaction. He glanced at Ira's hand and turned away. "Hn."

Her hand fell to her side with a jerk and the smile disappeared instantly. Ira (internally) raged at the youngster's insolence. She raised a single eyebrow, daring a reaction from the Uchiha. She got nothing. Ira decided that next time the twins would try to kill him, she wouldn't stop them.

"Perhaps we should proceed to the examination room now," she said quietly, trying to keep herself under control. There she was, talking no, _apologizing_ to him, and he didn't think it prudent to provide a reaction?!

"Hn."

Ira twitched (muttering something about 'kids these days') and made a mental note to tell the twins that they _should_ kill Uchiha. She would _not_ be 'Hn'-ed any longer!

As Teams 6 and 7 headed out the door, the older girl felt a prickle of pain in her numb arm. Tara and Toro were once again studying the paper their mother had given them, and were at the back of their procession, as to not allow anyone to see what was written on it. Naruto and Sakura were talking to Ira, who was in the middle, and Uchiha led the way.

Sakura nervously whispered a question to her new friend, and she sneered in response. "What is there to like?" she answered, glaring at Sasuke's back. Uchiha's fingers twitched and she allowed herself a feeling of grim satisfaction. Maybe it wasn't such a great idea to piss him off, though. He was a shinobi, and a skilled one at that, if _Futari-sensei_ was worried about him.

Another prickle. Then another. Ira winced as needles assaulted her entire arm, then escalated to wicked stabs of pain, almost bringing her to her knees. She clutched her arm, stopping without realizing it. Naruto, Sakura, Tara, and Toro's exclamations of worry were lost on her; even Uchiha had stopped to look back.

Ira swayed, unable to stay on her feet any longer, but was caught by her friends. Tara and Toro fussed over their team-mate.

"She really hurt you, didn't she, Feye-san?"

"You shouldn't have fought her…"

Ira struggled against the dark on the edge of her vision for the second time that day. Naruto's voice: "Who hurt Ira-chan? I'll kill them!"

The girl in question mumbled something unintelligible and reached into her bag, digging around for something that would ease the pain. She silently _Accioed_ a potion, fumbled with the cork, and finally took a gulp. For another few seconds, the ache in her arm didn't lessen, but finally, as the potion seeped through her veins, and the throbbing started to go away. Ira sighed in relief.

She was on the ground, with four teenagers surrounding her, all wearing identical expressions of worry. She smiled at them half-heartedly, trying to convince them she was fine. None believed it. She put her potion away.

"Who hurt you, Ira-chan? I'll go kill 'em right now! There's still time!"

"Shut it, dobe." (Naruto had what looked like a seizure.)

Ira rolled up her sleeve, convinced that so much pain could _not_ merely be from her nerves coming back to life. What met their eyes made even Uchiha blink.

Oh, how she _despised _Futari-sensei. Right below the elbow, where the Jounin had grabbed her, the flesh was colourful and swollen. Ira scowled at it and prodded the worst-looking part. The agony was so intense, it broke through the liquid flowing through her body, making her gasp. She scowled at it even more; she'd have to wait until she was alone to try and heal the bruising. She'd be lucky if it wasn't broken; the blasted chakra shield had kept her from feeling anything.

Ira got up quickly, covering the arm, and smiling brightly. "Let us move on." Everyone (except Uchiha, who was as usual, expressionless) looked as though she'd grown two heads. Ignoring them, she marched around the nearest corner, Teams 6 and 7 following in her wake.

"Oh... So Sakura came too... Now we can take the exam properly." The speaker was a tall man wearing the same tactical vest as Futari-sensei, a mask on most of his face and a Konoha hitai-ate over his left eye. He was standing in front of a door labelled '301.'

The twins were by Ira's side in an instant. "Hatake Kakashi. Jounin. Leader of Team 7. 'Very skilled' is an understatement," they informed her quietly. Ira nodded almost imperceptibly in return, thankful for the information.

Hatake spoke to his team about some trivial Exam matter that Ira had known about even before she met the Futaris, but that the Brilliant Duo and Uchiha seemed to have never heard of before. She took this chance to tie her hitai-ate around her waist, on top of her bag's strap, wincing the whole time.

No matter how much she wanted to, it would be _very_ dangerous to drink any more of her pain-killing potion – taking _anything_, even the most innocuous elixir, too much could result in severe side-affects that she wasn't willing to put up with. And the Patois Potion and that medicinal one were not the only things she drank... It would put quite a damper on things if she, say, _died_. But it was so much easier to just take a potion than actually _sleep_, for Merlin's sake!... Ira sighed quietly; she depended on her magical abilities way too much.

"You guys are my proud team." Hatake was smiling (Ira guessed. It's not as if she could actually see his mouth.) "Now go!!"

Team 7 beamed at their sensei, and pushed open the classroom door.

"Yeah!! Let's go!!"

Naruto, Sakura and Sasuke went inside happily. As Ira and her team-mates passed by the Jounin, he looked at them curiously. "...Good luck... Team Futari." Tara and Toro scurried inside but the witch held back.

She nodded slowly, "Arigato, Hatake-sensei," and followed the twins inside.

"...You're going to need it."

**-:-:-:-:-: :-:-:-:-:-**

"Hey, check that guy out." Hiro gestured in the direction of a male. Kari discreetly looked him over. His hitai-ate marked him out as a Konoha-nin, and his silver hair was tied back. He wore a deep violet sleeveless shirt over a grey shirt, and his pants were violet as well. A length of slightly yellow cloth was wrapped around his mid-section, and he wore glasses as well. She noted wrist guards and plated gloves, along with the subdued confidence he gave off.

Next to him were two males who were dresses the same, but with a piece of cloth covering the lower half of their face, and black glasses. They were dresses to conceal their identity, she deduced.

"Sasuke-kun! You're late!" A familiar voice squealed. 12's heads snapped towards the door, just as Yamanaka Ino bounced over and glomped Sasuke from behind. "I'm sooo excited, I haven't seen you in so long!"

"GET AWAY FROM SASUKE-KUN!!! INO-PIG!!!" Haruno screeched. Hiro winced, and continued to drag Kari towards them. Miyu had mysteriously disappeared, but Kari wasn't worried – airhead or not, Miyu wasn't helpless. So she believed.

"Why if it isn't Sakura," Ino's voice dropped into sarcasm, "big ugly forehead as usual." Hiro snickered and sauntered between them.

"Ladies, ladies. This is no time for arguing. Ino-chan, looking lovely as usual." He delivered this with a wink and a mock bow before straightening up and glancing at the rest of the group. "Uchiha. Sakura-chan. Glad to see you managed to find this place, Uzumaki." Naruto spluttered and yelled something in response, but Hiro'd already turned aside.

The rest of 10 joined them, along with 8. "Nara. Akimichi." They gave Hiro a small nod. "Aburame. Hinata-chan. Kiba, my man! How're things going?" He clapped the Inuzuka on the back, both sporting identical grins. The two moved aside to discuss subjects that were inappropriate for the time and place.

Kari looked around with mild interest. She was looking for 9, but wasn't really sure she'd find them. If Lee stuck with his plan, then they would be hard to find in the crowd. Green spandex suit or not, he could be almost invisible when he wanted to.

"Hiro, let's go. The Exam's going to start soon, and we need to..." she trailed off as the boy she saw earlier walked over. He started talking, but she didn't pay attention, being more concerned with checking out the competition.

"...look behind... Amegakure... clueless rookies... seventh time... ninja-info cards..." The last bit caught her attention, and she turned to look. Across from her, Hiro was doing the same thing.

"These are cards which have info burned onto them with chakra. I have four years' worth here, over 200 cards." He pulled a card off the top of the deck and sent some chakra into it. Immediately, a graph appeared. Kari picked up a few and looked them over. Since Kabuto's chakra was needed to read them, they were useless to her. Of course, it was important to look them over, if only to see how good the info was. To be honest, she was a bit concerned about her team's recorded stats, and just how accurate they were.

Kabuto – she made a mental note to check with Miyu later – pulled two cards out of the deck. She leaned in to see.

"First is Rock Lee. He's a year older than you guys. 20 D-ranks and 12 C-ranks. His Taijutsu is really strong, but the rest is nothing impressive. This is his first time as well. His team is Hyuuga Neji and Tenten." Kari suppressed a smirk, but Hiro didn't bother snickering. The other Genin gave them strange looks, but they ignored them.

Lee? Were they talking about the same Rock Lee that could move so fast he was invisible to the naked eye? The one who could smash through four concrete walls in a row? It was funny. _Too_ funny, how incomplete their information was.

"MY NAME IS UZUMAKI NARUTO!!! I WON'T LOSE TO YOU BASTARDS!!!" Kari choked and gasped for air, her mind reeling. Last time she checked, Naruto wasn't _that_ stupid! He was going to get them mobbed! She made a few hand signs behind her back, and Hiro slipped a small vial into her open palm.

"E-everyone... It was just a joke... He's really stupid and... heh heh..." Haruno laughed nervously, no doubt scared shitless by all the glares going her way. A group in the crowd moved suddenly, and her head snapped up, tracking the movement. Two Oto nin attacked Kabuto, and she whirled, placing herself in such a position that she was able to watch what was happening without being involved.

One swung a fist, and Kabuto dodged it. A second later, his glasses shattered, and he keeled over retching. The rookies gathered around, exclaiming. Kari nudged Hiro, and both of them left the group. She'd only taken three steps when the front of the room seemed to explode. A man in black and a group of shinobi appeared.

"QUIET DOWN YOU WORTHLESS BASTARDS!!!" The man at the front roared. They quieted down. "I am Morino Ibiki, the examiner for the first part of the Chuunin Exams." Kari noted with interest that most of the older Genin gulped and flinched at this. Again, she would have to ask Miyu.

"You, in the back. Stop doing as you please, or would you like to fail? Here's a good time to say this: There will be no fighting without the permission of the examiner. Even if permission is granted, killing your opponent is unacceptable. Those that disobey will be failed immediately. Do I make myself clear?

"We will now begin the exam. Instead of your current seating arrangements, you will pick one of these tabs and sit in the seat assigned to you. We will then hand out the exam." A nearby Chuunin – who looked suspiciously like one of the two assholes who were messing around on the second floor – gestured with a bundle of papers.

Hiro sighed and slipped Kari another small bottle, before retreating to his seat on the opposite side of the room. She fingered the bottle as she sat down. The marks on the cap told her that it was simply a bottle of water. She looked around. Hiro was placed three seats back and one row to her left. Miyu was five rows forwards and two seats to her right. At the front of the room, Morino was speaking again.

"Do not turn your tests over. Listen to what I have to say. There are many important rules for this test. I'll write them on the board as I explain, but questions won't be allowed so listen carefully." She frowned. No questions? A nagging feeling told her something was wrong. What kind of test had no questions? Morino... Morino... the name was familiar, but she couldn't pinpoint why exactly.

"The first rule is simple. You all start with ten points. The test is made up of ten questions that are worth a point each. The test uses a subtraction system, so you lose a point for every question you get wrong.

"Second: This is a team test. Whether you pass or fail depends on the combined score of your team-mates. So each team is competing to see how many points they can keep from the initial score of thirty."

"Wait a second!" The irritating voice belonged to Haruno, who, Kari was displeased to see, was two rows behind her. Damn. "I don't understand this, but why is it a team test?"

"Shut up. You don't have a right to question me. There is a reason for this, now be quiet and listen." She shut up. "Now, the most important rule: anyone caught cheating by a proctor will have two points subtracted for every offence." He said this with a slight smile, which made Kari frown deeper. Something seemed off...

"So there will be some among you who will lose all your points and be asked to leave. Realize that the ones who get caught cheating will be destroying themselves. As shinobi trying to attain the level of Chuunin, you must act as if you are.

"And the final rule: those that lose all their initial points, as well as the ones who don't answer any questions correctly, will be failed along with their team-mates." This was greeted with cries of protest and shock.

Kari's face twitched. She was confident that she would be able to do at least _one_ question right. The issue was Miyu. She was an enigma. Not even Hiro or she, who had known her from the cradle, were able to understand how her mind worked. She wasn't sure how they were going to get through the test. If Miyu was able to get even a glimpse of someone else's answer sheet, then they would be fine.

"Alright, the exam will last one hour. Begin!"

**-:-:-:-:-: :-:-:-:-:-**

Glancing at the paper before her, the only non-shinobi in the room scoffed. A whole hour for only ten questions? _What kind of morons do they take us for?_

She looked around carefully, trying to seem inconspicuous. Losing points for 'cheating' would be unacceptable, especially since she had absolutely no intention to cheat. What could some fifteen-year-old ninja know that she didn't? Well... Not all of them were fifteen, she'd give them that. Some of the teams assembled were much older than that, older than _her _even. But that shouldn't give them an advantage. Being so old usually meant that they had failed before. That Yakushi Kabuto, for example, had already failed six times. Ira wasn't even going to _try_ and guess about those three geezers who were in a corner opposite hers. Weren't they, like, _fifty_?

Tara and Toro were placed on opposite sides of the room, looking at each other every once in a while, completely panicked. The witch noticed an examiner glance at them and mark something off on her clipboard. The twins glanced back at her and Ira indicated the woman with her eyes, who was once again writing on the paper. They gulped, nodded, and turned back to their exams, starting to scribble furiously. Copying Futari-sensei's sheet word for word, no doubt.

She looked at her page again, which this time, was occupied by a fly. It buzzed around her empty sheet and flew away, Ira staring after it. Did that fly just _glare_ at her? ...Pushing away all thoughts of vengeful insects, she continued her study of the Genin.

Uchiha Sasuke was sitting a short way off, and Ira glared at the back of his head with all her might, willing his hair to light on fire. It didn't work. Uchiha was sitting as smugly as ever. She resisted the urge to grumble an obscenity, and decided to ignore him.

Sakura, in all her pink-haired glory, was bent over her exam, face scrunched up in concentration. Ino was a few seats behind her, scowling (but still looking pretty) at a sleeping brunet a few seats away from her. (What a failure!) His hair was in a tight ponytail and the hitai-ate was attached to his sleeve. (A team-mate, perhaps?) Ino glanced over at Sakura and smirked evilly. Ira vaguely wondered what Ino was plotting for her competition.

Finally, she couldn't resist looking at Naruto and his orange jumpsuit. Ira was very proud of herself for not looking in his direction as long as she had; it was quite a feat to ignore the fluorescence of his clothes. Naruto was a twitching ball of nervousness, glancing furtively at the papers around him. Ira pouted at the display – he should have studied.

The girl next to him carefully pushed her paper slightly towards him and gave a shy smile... Was she helping Naruto cheat?! How were the proctors expected to know who would make a decent Chuunin if—

Wait.

The short black hair, the white parka thing, the monstrous blushing... Ira gulped. It was that girl with the _white eyes_. Hyuuga Hinata, who had no irises or pupils to speak of. (Just like her brother or something. The one who had spent his time leaning against a wall glaring at everyone in the room before the exam started.) And as far as she could tell, the Hyuugas were not blind. ...Then what the hell was wrong with their eyes?!

The scratching of a pen close to her drew Ira's attention away. She glanced at the examiner beside her, who was smirking in her direction. Ira scowled at him and finally picked up her pencil to do the exam. _Marks off for cheating... Bollocks... Am I supposed to be able see through people or something?_

She read the first question and scoffed while quickly calculating in her head and writing down the answer. Such simple cryptology. She hadn't studied Arithmancy for the last five years for nothing.

_Question Two: Line B, seen in the picture, is the greatest possible distance a shinobi can throw his shuriken from a tree of 7 meters. For enemies who appear within the shuriken's range, explain the attack options using this distance. Show your work._

Ira blinked at the page. A shuriken...? Erm... You could... throw it...? She decided to keep looking around the class as long as she didn't get caught again. _What a disgrace..._

Takahashi Miyu, Chikano Hiro's team-mate, was oozing bubbly-ness, very pleased about something, while Hiro was... She wasn't sure what Hiro was doing. Not writing, that was for sure.

A shimmer in the air caught her eye and she looked at the girl whom it was in front of. She had brown hair and was wearing a sleeveless blue shirt. Tsusabe Kari, as far as she knew, the final member of Hiro's team. Ira squinted at the shimmer, wondering what it could possibly be for.

She sighed, rolling her eyes, and froze. There was a _mirror_ stuck to the ceiling. A _mirror_, and no one noticed! If you tilted your head just right, you could see tiny strings attached to it, and Ira followed them down. They led to the pencil of a girl with brown hair done up in two buns, who looked like she was focusing intently on writing. With every twitch of her pencil, the mirror moved slightly. The (youthful!) boy in his green body suit, who had been fighting with Uchiha earlier, was glancing up at it every once in a while.

...Was the whole point of this exam to see how much cheating you could get away with?! Ira looked around in disgust. The kids' tactics were so painfully obvious! That Inuzuka Kiba boy, the one who had a dog stuffed down his shirt earlier, had the same dog sitting on top of his head, looking around and growling softly to him. Another kid (he had red hair, a hell of a lot of eyeliner, and the kanji 'love' tattooed on his forehead) was making an eyeball out of sand in front of himself. ...What kind of place was this?!

Yet again, Ira heard someone near her write on a clipboard and she flipped around to face the smirking examiner. She hissed something at him, barely resisting the urge to whip her pencil into his eye. That'd teach the bastard to think she was cheating…

She read the second question again and scowled. So freaking specific... She scribbled down a few random sentences that sounded fancy enough to seem like the real thing and went on, too angry to do it properly.

_Question Three: If a male shinobi weighing 54kg wanted to jump from one roof of a ten-storey building to another, 2m away, in a southern direction, and there was a north-western wind of 35km/h, would the shinobi have enough time to create ten Kage Bunshin and pull himself up onto the other roof before crashing to the ground? Show your work._

Ira stared at the page. _What?_ Just what were these questions supposed to be assessing? Did ninja really have time to be doing these calculations when jumping from roof to roof? Just what was a Kage Bunshin?! She read it again.

_Trick question_, she wrote after a pause. _There is no need to create _anything _when jumping a distance of 2m. You barely need to jump at all._

With a sigh, Ira continued her test and the rest of its pathetic questions.

* * *

_Ahaha~ We finally started on the actual exam. Took long enough, didn't it? Be proud of us. We can stretch things out for ages..._

**But we won't. Or at least we **_**better**_** not. Then we'd never get to Interlude and all the crack it brings.**

_The Madness Interlude__ will be written after (read: if) we finish __The Madness Begins__. It will take place during Naruto's famous time-skip._

_The Madness Continues__ might be done even later. Taking place during Shippuuden. And stuff. If we get around to it. Cause Ceridwen's being lazy and not writing her parts..._

**~*~**

_And now, because we're dead bored, we present – __**the Mary Sue Litmus Test results!!!**__ A link to said test can be found in our profile, _Feye and Inari_. Note that the characters tested were not all OCs (freaking duh). It was fun._

_(Note: The Universal Mary Sue Litmus Test is a test you can take to see if a character is one of the Dreaded Sues or not. It was __**not**__ created by us.)_

Tsusabe Kari – 11  
Feye Ira – 12  
Uchiha Sasuke – 49  
Chikano Hiroki – 10  
Futari Tara and Toro – -4 (_Yes. They are one person. ...I'm serious. These two are in the negatives._)  
Uzumaki Naruto – 37  
Takahashi Miyu – 6  
Kurosaki Ichigo – 36  
Cinderella – 30  
Snow White – 26  
Harry Potter – 92

What the Evil Numbers Mean:

_0-16 Points  
_Most likely Not-Sue. Characters at this level could probably take a little spicing up without hurting them any.

_17-21  
_Probably not a Mary-Sue, although a character can go either way at this point. Fanfiction writers should pay attention to ensure that their characters aren't getting too Sue-ish. For an RPG or original fiction character, however, you're probably perfectly fine.

_22-29  
_Some definite Sue-like tendencies here. A little polishing might be in order to put original fiction and RPG characters back into the balance, especially if Kirking is involved. Fanfiction characters should probably have some work done.

_30+  
_Fanfiction authors beware - Mary's on the loose. There's still a chance you can save this character with some TLC, though. Role-players and original fiction characters, you should also strongly consider giving your character a workover.

_36+  
_Fanfiction authors, you might just want to start over. Role-players and original fiction authors, at this point your characters are likely to provoke eye-rolling and exclamations of "yeah, right!" from your readers. (Well, at least from me.) Immediate workover is probably in order.

_50+  
_Kill it dead. Or make sure you read the instructions properly (some people don't do this, which causes freakishly high scores) and take the test again.

**I, having no life, did the test about ten times to get all the information. So you should thank me.**

_By leaving us a nice, long review. …What? Me? __**Hint**__? NEVER!_


	4. The Chuunin Exams

A/N:

**Anyone who's reading this and wants their character in the story somewhere, go to my profile. I'm ****Ceridwen Inari****, for those of you who don't remember. Go do the Litmus Test first, then fill out the other sheet and e-mail it to one of us. We'll review your character, and chances are that s/he'll get in. Easy peasy. **

_They're not going to be major characters, but we just need names/faces/all that jazz to make the fic more realistic. Making up dozens of characters that are going to be used once or twice is not a piece of cake, and we also want to make you peoples feel __**involved**__. So yes. We demand your characters._

**~*~**

Disclaimer:

Naruto _belongs to Masashi Kishimoto-sensei and _Harry Potter_ to JKR, but I own Nabe's pimp hat!_

**I own Nabe. That's MY pimp hat.**

_Screw you, biyatch. Mine._

**~*~**

**Vocabulary:**

Yukata - lighter kimono-like garments, worn in the warmer months of the year by both men and women

**Languages:**

_Why me~~~-sobs-_

"_English._"  
"Japanese."  
_Thinking._

* * *

**The Madness Begins**

**Chapter 4 – The Chuunin Exams**

* * *

Hiro was leaning over his paper, ears straining to hear what should have been audible, considering the objects of his attention was sitting four rows away. There. A soft clink, followed by another – the sound of two tiny vials landing gently on the floor. He tilted his head to the right, eyes locking on Kari, who was likewise bending over her sheet.

One-handed, he opened a vial and dipped a finger in. Under the pretence of rubbing his eyes sleepily, he brushed the liquid over his eyelids. He blinked a bit, and squinted in Kari's direction. Sure enough, a blue 'mist' surrounded her. As he watched, the blueness congealed into two distinct patches: one close to her and one close to him – near a boy who was scribbling furiously.

Hiro blinked and rubbed his eyes again, wiping off the liquid. Where the blue patches were, there were now patches where the air was a bit _shiny_. He allowed himself a grin. The minute they found out that it was a _paper test_, 12 had immediately prepared to cheat, on the off hand that the test questions were unanswerable. The bottles he had handed Kari contained a special type of liquid that evaporated almost immediately on contact with the air. She could then expel large (not _too_ much, he hoped. There were still two more parts of the Exam to go) amounts of chakra into the air and pull the water vapour together, creating a slightly reflective surface. Because, he reasoned, if the proctors hadn't noticed the _mirror_ hanging on the _ceiling_, then surely they wouldn't notice the (slightly) suspicious patch of shiny air?

He eyed his target, who was _still_ slumped over his sheet. Sheesh. Write faster, kid. A smile stretched over his face as he noticed the brunette sitting next to his target. If he angled his head _juuust_ right... Yes! He could look down her sh – a scratching noise alerted him and his gaze snapped to the Chuunin at the end of his row. The bastard was scribbling on his clipboard.

Seething, Hiro had no doubt that he had just been docked two points for 'cheating'. Although he supposed it _did_ look that he was trying to look at the sheet of the guy directly in front of him. He sighed and sat back in his seat. His target had moved enough that he could see his sheet, and he dutifully copied the answers. For some reason, he was missing question seven, to which the answer was _clearly_ eight. Idiots.

Suddenly, he frowned. This was a team test, and he forgot the check how Miyu was doing. Discreetly, he glanced around for the girl and found her at the opposite end of the room, also scribbling furiously on her test. Wait. _What_?! Miyu, _working?!_ Just what was the world coming to?!

The second patch of water vapour dissipated slowly, and the first patch began to make its way across the room. Kari seemed to be having a hard time finding a suitable victim to cheat off of.

A few rows to his left, Haruno was rereading her (possibly perfect) answers. Kari had apparently drawn the same conclusions, as the shiny patch moved so that it reflected her. Or so he guessed, unable to see the reflection. Now all Haruno had to do was put her sheet down. Suddenly, she slumped over, before sitting back up and looking around with a confused expression. Hiro stored this fact away to ask Miyu later.

Other than that, nothing of interest happened. A bunch of teams were kicked out, some kid got slammed into a wall, blah blah. Hiro was bored. He slumped in his seat, mentally urging the clock on, so that Hiro The Magnificent could stand up and retake his glorious place in the world! (A nagging voice that sounded suspiciously like Shiko-sensei told him that he was deluding himself again, but he ignored it.)

"We will now begin the tenth question." Morino said. Hiro perked up. The tenth question? That meant the test was almost over! "Before we begin, I'd like to go over additional rules for this question." Hiro sighed and slumped down again. _More_ rules? This day was just getting better and better...

"First, for this question, you must decide whether you will take it or not."

"Choose?!" A blond Hiro didn't know exclaimed. She was pretty, he supposed, in a... scary kind of way. "What happens if we don't choose to take it?!"

Morino smiled evilly. "If you don't choose to take it, you fail, along with your two team-mates.

"What? Of course we'll choose to take it then!" Some random Genin yelled.

"The other rule. If you choose to take it, and answer incorrectly, that person will lose the right to take the Chuunin Exams again."

"What kind of a stupid rule is that?" Kiba yelled, "Some guys here have taken the Exam before!!"

"You guys are unlucky. This year it's my rules." Morino shrugged, as if that explained everything. "But I'm giving you a way out. Those who don't feel confident can choose not to take it, and try again next year." He paused, long enough for it to sink in. "Now let's begin. Those who don't wish to take it, raise your hand. Once your number has been confirmed, you may leave."

Hiro smiled a cruel smile. He obviously wasn't going to raise his hand. Out of his team, he was certain that they would pass, no problem. Miyu was, as usual, doodling on a piece of paper. He was sure that she hadn't even realized what they were doing, which was fine with him. She would probably raise her hand without even knowing _why_ she was raising it in the first place. Kari would definitely be able to answer the question, and they could just tell Miyu to repeat what they said.

He settled in his chair to wait. Who out of them would fail?

**-:-.:-:-:-: :-:-:-:.-:-**

As Morino Ibiki finished going over the rules for the tenth question, they gulped simultaneously. The Futari Twins were at a complete loss; to leave, fail and take the Exam again, or take it, get it wrong, and never have a chance at becoming anything more than Genin? Their mother would kill them...

Tara looked back at Feye who was dividing her glares between her exam and the proctor, while Toro flipped his paper over and wrote on the back.

_What do we have a better chance of surviving – Futari-sensei, or the question? _

_She taught us well, Tara-chan, we should be able to pass. There's no way they can tell who's a Chuunin or not from _one_ question._

_What do you think?_

He felt a tug of apprehension at the back of his consciousness as a trio of Genin from another village left the class, deciding to take the test again later. As shinobi twins of the Futari clan, Toro and his sister were inseparable – in mind and in body. They could vaguely feel what their sibling felt at times, and could even switch minds when they wanted to.

He smiled slightly. That's how they'd memorized the answers Futari-sensei had given them so quickly. Tara learned one half of the questions, while Toro remembered the other. They had written down what they knew on one paper, then switched minds and did the same for their twin. All that was left was Question Ten...

Toro could feel something pulling on his mind and a hint of worry – Tara wanted to start the jutsu. Another team had left.

Simultaneously, the Futari Twins performed their seals: Bird, Rat, and finally, when in each others' bodies, Snake – to lock it in place. At this point in time, they could barely feel the switch as they had when they'd learned it. Now, the only indication that the jutsu had worked was a change of perspective. Of course, it was easy when they were in the same room and could _look_ at each other. Tara and Toro had experimented with the distance limit of this jutsu, but that was recently, so they hadn't gotten very far.

Tara (in Toro's body) was busy scanning her brother's sheet and writing responses to what he'd asked. Toro looked around. Their older team-mate, Feye Ira, did not look very happy with her exam and seemed on the verge of ripping it into pieces. As a statement to her self-control, she pushed it away instead and looked at him. Feye raised an eyebrow questioningly, and Toro felt an odd sensation around his midriff. Before he could analyze the feeling, Tara tugged at his mind and they switched back. Another team left.

_The question, of course. What kind of silly thing have you been smoking?_

_Hmm... Maybe it's really long or something. Yeah, for all she's a horrid fiend, Mother's smart._

_We should take it. Remember she said something about not listening to Morino? Maybe he's lying._

'_Horrid fiend_?' Toro wondered. This description was new. But Tara was right – they would take it. There was a little more on the bottom of the page:

_Hey, d__'__you think Feye-san'll explode? She looks _real_ close…_

Toro, in his own body now, turned around to face Ira again, who squinted at the Twins in suspicion. She started mouthing something, but was interrupted by a yell from the middle of the room.

"DON'T UNDERSTIMATE ME!!! I WILL NOT RUN!!!" Uzumaki Naruto had smashed his hand down on the table. "I'LL TAKE IT!! Even if I'm a Genin forever...!! I'll will myself to becoming Hokage anyway, so I don't care!! I'M NOT AFRAID!!"

There was a stunned silence. Morino spoke. "I'll ask you again. Your life is riding on this decision," Feye frowned at that. "This is your last chance to quit."

"I never go back on my word," Naruto answered quietly. "That's my ninja way."

The Futari Twins literally _felt_ the fear dissipate from the room, and Tara pouted outright – there were too many people left for the second part. It would be more difficult.

Morino smiled slightly and looked over at his proctors, who nodded. He turned back to the Genin. "Good decisions. Now to the 84 still remaining..." The class tensed, awaiting the tenth question. "...I congratulate you on passing the first test!!!" Silence.

"Wait… What do you mean?" Haruno was the first to speak up. "We already pass? What about the tenth question?" Some people looked around and nodded.

Morino grinned, contorting the deep scars on his face. "There never was such a thing. Or you could say that those two choices were the tenth question."

A girl from Suna exploded. "Then what were the first nine questions for?! They were pointless!!"

"They were not pointless... They had already served their intended purpose: to test your individual information gathering ability." Most of the class was still confused, so the Special Jounin started to elaborate. "First, as the rules explained, success on this test is based on the whole team doing well. This puts pressure on each member not to mess things up for their team-mates."

Naruto nodded sagely. "I had a feeling this test was like that." The twins rolled their eyes. _What an idiot._ Hyuuga Hinata, who was next to him, giggled.

Morino went on. "But the questions on this test were not the type that a mere Genin could answer. Because of that, I'm sure most people came to the same conclusion: to score points, you'd have to cheat." Tara and Toro looked at each other nervously. They weren't sure that what their mother had done counted... "As cheating targets, we had two Chuunin who knew all the answers mixed into the crowd to help you guys out."

Naruto laughed, but there was a definite panicked undertone. "I saw right through that! You'd have to be a moron not to notice that! Right, Hinata?" The girl stuttered something.

Morino reached behind his head, "But those who cheat poorly, fail, of course." He took off his hitai-ate and hat, revealing a horribly scarred scalp covered in burns and screw-holes. Some people gasped, and the twins turned around to check on their team-mate, worried about her reaction. Civilians were not used to seeing wounds such as these, and this was not a good time for Feye to have a heart attack. She had blinked a couple of times and drew back slightly. Then, slowly, she leaned forward again, absolutely fascinated and fighting a smile. They shivered. This girl was too much like their sensei...

"If the enemy or third party notices you, there is no guarantee that the info will be accurate." He put the hat back on. "I want you to remember this. Important information in your hands can be a powerful weapon for your comrades and for the village. So we had you gather information through cheating. This clearly separated those who did not have the right abilities."

"But... I don't understand the final question." The Suna girl was still baffled.

Morino smiled happily. "Question Ten is the true purpose of this test."

Haruno, for all her supposed brains, was perplexed. "...What do you mean?"

"Let me explain. The tenth question, the 'take it' or 'not take it' decisions, were two obviously painful choices. Those who choose the latter, fail along with their team-mates. Those who choose to take it, could lose the chance to ever take the test again – a true leap of faith.

"Say you guys become Chuunin. Your mission is to steal a secret document. The amount of ninjas, their abilities, etc. is unknown to you, and, of course, there could be traps set up all around you. Now, do you accept, or not accept? Because you don't want to die, because you don't want your comrades hurt, can you avoid the dangerous mission? ...The answer is no!! No matter what the danger, there are missions you can't avoid. The ability to be courageous and survive any hardship... This is the ability to become a Chuunin captain.

"Those who can't put their destinies on the line, who cling to the uncertain future of 'there's always next year,' and then walk away from their chance, those pieces of trash who can only make such cowardly choices, don't have the right to become Chuunin! That's how I feel! Those who choose to take it answered the tough tenth question correctly – you will be able to survive any troubles you face in the future.

"You have made it through the entrance – the first part of the Chuunin Selection Exam is finished. I wish you guys luck."

The twins turned around to look a Feye again. She was shaking her head and muttering something under her breath. They weren't sure they wanted to know what she was saying.

**-:-.:-:-:-: :-:-:-:.-:-**

"Oh, _man_. That was _brutal_." Hiro muttered under his breath. Even though he had made up his mind to stay, the pressure to just _run_ and _leave_ was so intense, his resolve almost cracked. But they were through now. Nothing could stop him fro—

A window exploded, as a blur of black exploded through the window nearest the front. Hiro flinched automatically, then cursed himself for the lapse in control. The fact that the Special Jounin at the front of the line almost fell off his chair in shock made him feel a bit better. A bit. The Genin at the front, despite their 'age and experience' (total bullshit. _He_ had more experience than those pathetic fools), jumped off and displayed unprofessional shock.

Two kunai shot out from the bundle and slammed into the roof. The black thing, which revealed itself to be a banner with "Second Examiner Mitarashi Anko" scrawled on it, unfurled. The woman in the center, dressed in a fishnet suit, skirt, and trench coat, snapped her hand out and glared.

"This is no time to be celebrating!" She roared, "I am the Examiner for the second test! Mitarashi Anko! Let's go! Follow me!" Silence. The woman (Anko, Hiro reminded himself) looked around, and scowled.

"84?!" She demanded, turning to look at Ibiki, who was partially hidden by the banner. "You left 28 teams?! The test was too easy this time!" Hiro choked. Too _easy_?! That much thinking almost _killed_ him!

"This time, there are many outstanding shinobi," Ibiki said calmly.

"Hmph. I'll cut them down by half at least," Anko smirked at the group, sending a shiver down his spine. He knew. She was _evil_. Eeeeviiiil. Almost as evil as Yuka, if not more so. She laughed evilly and continued. "I'll explain everything once we reach out destination. Follow me." With that, she turned around and left the room.

Hiro shivered. The Forest of Death. How charming. Even the name sounded evil. He sighed. With his team (Miyu. Not Kari. Kari was decent in a scrap, for a girl), their chance of survival was slim, especially against Hyuuga and Lee. Not that it worried him, having already plotted out their course of action. 7 wouldn't know what hit them, and when he was done with them, they'd be sitting ducks for the other teams, especially that nasty Kiri team he saw earlier (the group that was spitting and looking 'manly'. Freaks.). Not that he was going to do anything other than knock Uchiha and Uzumaki out. (Kari wouldn't allow him to do _that_ to a fellow shinobi.)

Haruno was pretty much dead weight, period. If she had some sort of intense talent hidden up her sleeve, she would've flaunted it by now, hoping to get some attention from Uchiha. With her hair, she'd be like a brightly painted target to the other teams.

He wondered briefly what their task would be. He knew survival was part of the test, but didn't know much else. Miyu might have an idea, but she was just as likely to tell him some sort of rumour about the training ground having enormous snakes that could swallow a man live, or some other shit.

He sighed again. He so so _so_ hoped he could live through whatever the Forest of Death threw at him, _without_ revealing his skills. 9 already knew just how potent his poisons were, and if the word got out... he would be screwed, and the general public would think he was some sort of freak (although probably not as much of a freak as Uzumaki or Aburame) that could, at any second, stand up, scream something like "I HATE MY LIFE!!! I'M GONNA KILL YOU ALL!!!" and do some crazy shit like blow the place up. Not a rep he wanted.

His fellow Genin were looking around uncomfortably, as if wondering whether or not to follow the 'crazy lady'. _His_ team would, obviously. He was just sticking around for a bit to, ah, 'check out the competition'. Or something like that.

Hiro looked around. Uzumaki was next to a Hyuuga girl. The other one. (Hyuuga's sister? He wasn't sure) Haruno was trying to make her way to Uchiha, who was (as usual) sitting there looking cool. Ino and Nara were si—whoa. He blinked, then looked again. Were those guys _fifty_?! Holy shit. Fifty years old and Genin. That was a future too horrible to contemplate.

He squinted a bit against the light. The first man had long, white hair that looked suspiciously like a wig, while the second had long black hair that was dyed (his roots were showing). The only female in the group had her fake blond hair (roots showing. _Again_.) in two pigtails – a really wannabe look for someone _her_ age. The first man was wearing some hideous yukata-like thing with pants and (normal) sandals; the second wearing a _really_ horrendous _thing_ that also looked like a yukata, tied with a drooping piece of purple rope. The woman was in a low cut kimono-like thing and pants (to complete the picture) that failed miserably at showing off her non-existent cleavage. Hell, the image was burning his eyes. Get a _shirt_, for god's sake! He shuddered. The image would haunt him for life... All three were wearing large amounts of... was that makeup? On a _guy_?! ...shit.

The first guy had lines of red reaching from the outer corners of his eyes down to his jaw, and the second guy, the freak in black, had so much white powder on it looked like he had dandruff in his (fake) black hair. The woman had a blue (smudged) dot on her forehead. What it was doing there, he had no idea.

Altogether, they seemed vaguely familiar. Somehow, despite the freak-show costumes, he felt like he'd seen them before. Although he was positive he'd remember someone looking like _that._ Perhaps they were dresses similarly to characters in a book he once read? Yes, that must be it.

He smiled and stood up quickly, taking large steps to ensure he reached the door before the Three Stooges. Not fast enough.

"You! Boy!" The woman snapped as he cut in front of them. "How _dare_ you do such a thing! How _dare_ you walk before us, the Legenda—"

"Tell it to someone who cares." He interrupted rudely.

"_You insolent little brat! Why I ought to—_" The rest was cut off as he walked out of hearing. He didn't care that a bunch of old geezers were probably cursing his name with their dying breath. They were Genin. _Old_ Genin. He was young and fit, albeit a Genin as well. They were no threat to him, and therefore of no importance.

Hiro jogged the last stretch through the trees and joined up with the rest of the groups. He reached his team just as Anko was passing out forms.

"D'I miss anything?" He whispered.

"Naruto pissed Anko-sensei off, and she scratched him." Hiro glanced at Uzumaki. Huh. He had a scratch going through the whisker-like markings on his cheek. "One of those guys," Kari gestured to a small group of Kusa-nin wearing straw hats, "went nuts and snuck up behind Anko. She, ah, 'told him off'." She flashed a quick grin. "And the forms, they're in case anything 'happens' to us. There'll be deaths in this part." Hiro sighed. Deaths. Joy. This day was just getting better and better. If he had to kill someone... the rest of the Genin might start taking him seriously...

"Now, the second test. Simply put, you will attempt the ultimate survival." Anko held up a scroll. 44 locked gates... a 10 km radius... forests... a river... and a tower. Somehow he had a feeling they'd have to reach the tower. That wouldn't be so bad. All his team (_Kari_'s team, the annoying voice in his head corrected him. It was ignored.) had to do was stay alive, and maybe bump off a few groups on the way. It wasn't anything surprising. They'd expected something like this for the second part.

"During your time here, you are to complete a certain task. Using your many weapons and Jutsus, you will compete in..." Anko paused, probably to give a dramatic effect to her little speech. She didn't disappoint him. Holding up the white scroll she was holding in her right hand, she smiled. "a no rules scroll battle." Hiro groaned out loud. Their team was fucked if they went up against Hyuuga's team. Royally fucked.

"You will fight over these two scrolls. The 'heaven'," she gestured with the white one (it was labelled with the according kanji), "and the 'earth'." This time, the black one was waved around. "There are 84 people here, meaning 28 teams. Half, 14, will get the 'Heaven Scroll', and the other 14 will get the 'Earth Scroll'. To pass this test, your team must make it to the tower with both scrolls." The group of Genin muttered amongst themselves. Hiro didn't blame them. Only half would pass, and he was determined to be one of the groups that did.

"Unfortunately, there's a time limit. The second test will last 120 hours. Exactly five days."

"Five days?! What about dinner?!" Akimichi exploded. Anko flapped a hand dismissively.

"You're on your own. The forest is full of food. Just watch out for man-eating beasts, poisonous insects, poisonous plants..." She trailed off. Clearly, she was enjoying freaking the crap out of the pitiful group of Genin. "And 14 passing teams isn't likely. As the days go on, the distance to the goal will become farther, and the time to rest will become shorter. The area is crawling with enemies, so you won't get much rest." She gave a big, happy grin. Hiro was really starting to hate that smile.

"So not only will some fail by losing their scroll, but some will die from the harshness of this course. Now I'll talk about what will disqualify you. First, those that don't make it to the tower with both scrolls within the time limit. Second, those that lose a team-mate or have a team-mate killed. As a rule, there will be no quitting in the middle. You will stay in the forest for five days. And the last one: you must not look inside the scroll until you make it to the tower."

"What happens if you do?" Obviously, Uzumaki's curiosity got the better of him.

"That will be a _surprise_ for anyone who does." Anko replied cryptically. He so so _so_ did not like they way she said 'surprise'. It was like she was implying that something horrible/lethal would happen. "A Chuunin will be asked to handle classified information. Think of this as a test of your trustworthiness. That's it for the explanations; exchange the three forms for your scroll. Then choose a gate to get ready for the start. Oh, and a final word of advice. Don't die."

One of the Special Jounin stuck his head out of the little booth that was constructed outside of TG 44 and gestured at the nearest group, which happened to be the Suna team. Hiro sighed and scrawled his name on the dotted line without reading the form. He could always ask Miyu later.

"So, ladies, which gate?" He asked.

"19," Miyu replied promptly. He started. Miyu, with an _opinion_?! Holy...

"Can I ask why...?" He wasn't really sure if he wanted to know...

"Just 'cause. 19's a pretty number." Cue happy grin.

"Alright then..." Kari took both their forms and walked up to the booth. By the time he caught up, she'd already taken the scroll and placed it somewhere on her person. He caught her eye and she shook her head slightly. Alright. So she wouldn't tell him. He moved his arm and it smacked into Miyu. Ah. Miyu. So that was why.

"Everyone, follow a proctor to your gates! We start in ten minutes!" A pause. Then Anko got tired of waiting.

"THE SECOND TEST OF THE CHUUNIN EXAM BEGINS!!!"

**-:-.:-:-:-: :-:-:-:.-:-**

Gate 23 was located right beside the river flowing through the course, making it one of the best starting points for this task – so the Futari Twins had dragged a shaking Feye Ira there as fast as possible. The woods around this spot were rather thin and sunlight broke though the leaves, flickering and messing with their vision.

"It's alright, Feye-san," Tara patted the still shaking older girl's shoulder. "Me an' Toro won't let anything hurt you." Her brother nodded his assent.

Feye stiffened. "I am not concerned about my well-being, thank you."

After a pause, Toro asked, "Then what's wrong?"

She looked at the twins and seemed to be organizing her thoughts. "This is... wrong."

"What is?"

"All of this. Throwing a collection of adolescents into a deadly forest, telling them to _kill_ one another over pieces of parchment, is just blatantly _wrong_."

The twins shrugged. It was quite normal sounding to them... Oh, dear Kami... This was bad... This was very bad... _Feye had morals._ No wonder she was so reluctant to sign that safety form. It had taken a few painful pokes in the ribs from Tara to finally convince her to put her signature on the paper, which she did with a flourish, scowling the whole time. A girl with morals on their team would make things slightly more difficult.

"Mitarashi-sensei was only kidding around..." Tara mumbled, in hopes of appeasing Feye.

"That woman?" Feye snorted. "Kid around?" She took a deep breath and exhaled, looking slightly calmer after, even if it was strained.

The twins looked at each other, both praying to every deity they could think of, _begging_ the gods to make Feye cooperate. The girl in question walked toward the riverbank and looked around carefully, thinking. Tara and Toro followed her. After a few awkward (to the twins, who were simply standing there) minutes, Feye finally spoke.

"Which scroll did we receive?"

Tara answered, pulling it out of her pack. "Earth." Feye 'hmm'-ed and held her hand out for the black-edged document. Tara shrugged at Toro and handed it over. The brunette examined the roll, seeming to take in every detail, and ran her pale fingers over the edge. She lifted a corner of the parchment away experimentally, and Tara screeched, panicked. "Don't open it!" Feye gave her a scathing glare, making it perfectly clear that was not her intention.

"There is nothing to keep the scroll from unravelling," Feye stated, the Futari Twins wondering where this was going. "Do either of you happen to have anything to tie it with? Opening it accidentally will not do."

Toro nodded, "I might," and proceeded to dig around in his pack.

"Preferably something large, as to cover the whole thing," she continued, as the boy mumbled something under his breath. "It would be unfortunate to be attacked immediately only because we have the scroll another team needs. I would rather they waste their time attempting to figure out whether we are worth assaulting or not."

Toro pulled out some string and a spare white shirt. He looped the thread around their scroll a few times before tying it. The shirt followed suit, also tied with the string.

"Prepare two more packages like that, please, Toro-san. I will hold on to the real one while you both have copies."

Tara smiled in realization. "That's a really good idea, Feye-san!" she exclaimed. Then her smile faltered and she became rather uncertain. "Isn't it better that one of _us_ has the real one, Feye-san, I mean…"

Feye took the covered scroll from Toro (who was busy making a copy of his creation, muttering curses under his breath all the while – the thin thread had cut him) and smiled. "Of course." She tucked the package into her bag, which in Tara's opinion was hardly big enough to hold it. The red-head was about to ask Feye what she was doing, and whether she had some sort of complex, saying one thing but doing another, when the older girl interrupted.

"This is perfect." Noticing the Futari Twins' confused faces, she elaborated. "This is a perfect place to start."

"That's why we're here, Feye-san," Tara said uncertainly.

"Near the river has always been a good place to start," Toro added.

His sister nodded. "We can fill up our canteens right away."

Feye looked at them, barely concealing the pity on her face. "Is that the only reason you can think of?" The twins glared at her, trying to convey the fact that they wanted to know _why_ they were being treated like idiots. Feye laughed softly and continued. "The river runs adjacent to the tower, correct? And the current here flows in its direction. Therefore, if we follow the river, we will not go astray, and we can also use it as transportation, getting to the tower faster."

The twins nodded in unison. While the notion of using the river as a directional was pretty much elementary knowledge (unless Uzumaki Naruto was concerned... Tara and Toro resisted the urge to giggle, afraid to offend Feye), but actually building a raft or something and _using_ the river was new. _Think of the energy we'll save!_ This way, they could make up for their team-mate's uselessness by saving their strength and being better in combat!

Feye continued, and the twins were grateful that she couldn't read their minds. It wouldn't be a very good idea to offend her so early on. _It wouldn't be a very good idea to offend her at all..._ "You mentioned canteens, Tara-san. Does every team use them?"

"Most likely," Tara answered. "It's better that way. You don't need to keep coming back to the river."

"And risk meeting more teams than you really need." Toro finished.

Feye waved them off, interrupting what more they had to say. "Ideal. Now. There are two courses of action for us to choose from:

"Do we go along the river the entire time, ambushing teams while they are stocking up on provisions? Approximately one half of the twenty-eight teams in the exam will use this side of the waterway.

"Or, do we head to the castle immediately, where _all_ the teams are going to go, and take our pickings there?"

Silence descended over Team 6, Tara and Toro contemplating their choices, and Feye smirking pompously. "Brilliant," the twins breathed together. "Fool-proof."

"Have you made your choice?" Feye inquired politely.

The twins shook their heads slowly. "Not quite..."

The river... No, the castle... Their minds whirred in unison, the abilities of their clan such that they didn't even have to voice their opinions out loud. Being twins was sure useful...

After a full minute of listing off pros and cons for both ideas, Tara began slowly. "While both ways are great, we don't really want to go to the castle right away... That's when the _really _good teams are going to show up, most likely, an' I don't want to risk losing our lives, or worse, the scroll..." Feye lifted an eyebrow, but otherwise kept silent.

"But spending five days on the river isn't to our liking either," Toro added. "So maybe... Two or three days on the river, then if there's no success, staking out the castle for the other two days or so...?" They waited for Feye's reaction.

"A compromise," she smiled. "Lovely."

The Futari Twins let out a breath they didn't realize they'd been holding, and came to a sudden conclusion. Even though they had only known her for a few hours, and the extent of that knowledge was only her name, they wanted her approval. When the exam was over, Feye would be missed.

The girl in question clasped her hands together and twirled around to face the river. "Now. All we need is transportation." The twins sighed, fully aware that it would be just them building the raft, and were about to start looking for suitable materials, when Feye snapped her fingers.

"If you look to my right," she muttered, "across the river you will see a tree shaped like a wizened old man." Tara nodded, seeing the tree, and Toro looked at it as well. "Behind it, you will find a lone Genin. I am not sure I am comfortable with his proximity."

The Futari Twins didn't move a muscle, knowing that surprise was all they had on their side now. Perhaps if they reacted quickly enough...

**-:-.:-:-:-: :-:-:-:.-:-**

"Okay." Kari stopped her team about ten minutes in. "Chances are that we won't be attacked so soon. We can take the time to strategise and decide on our immediate plan of action. Hiro, you've been planning this for the past two days. What do you have?"

"We have to—" He broke off, frowning. "Miyu... the hell are you reading??" Kari leaned over and tugged the paper out of her hand. She scanned it and read out loud.

"'Question Three: If a male shinobi weighing 54kg wanted to jump from one roof of a ten-storey building to another, 2m away'" She broke off and raised an eyebrow. "It's tempting to ask why you have this, but I don't want to know. I _really_ don't want to know." Miyu giggled (insanely, she thought). Hiro cleared his throat and continued to talk.

"Our top priority is survival. We have to secure food and water for five days. You all brought canteens, right?" The girls nodded. Miyu proudly displayed her neon green canteen, which Kari replaced with a less visible one. "Good." He knelt down and drew a circle with a line through it. He marked a spot a bit to the left of the line.

"However, that'll be pointless if we can't get the Heaven Scroll. We have to deal with our immediate problem first. There should be a river less than twenty minutes from here. We can fill up our canteens and gather some food."

Hiro pointed at a spot near the line. "We're about here. If we travel along the river for about three or four kilometres, then strike out at a ninety-degree angle like so," he bent down and continued to add to his sketch, "for, say, five kilometres, then spend about a day or so in that area before heading for the tower, we'll cover roughly a quarter of the total amount of teams, assuming they're evenly spaced out.

There's a good chance of us getting the right scroll, but when four days are up and we still don't have 'Chi', we'll ambush teams _with_ both scrolls at the Tower."

Kari nodded. It was a good plan, considering that Hiro had only about twenty minutes to change it to fit the terrain. She suspected that deep down inside, he really wanted to make Chuunin. There was just one thing bugging her.

"What about 7? Weren't we going to take them out?" She asked.

Hiro shook his head. "No time. They might be close, but we can't risk the fact that they have 'Ten'. If we spend time chasing after them and they have 'Ten', then we've wasted valuable time. I'd rather we get both scrolls before seeing if they're close by. To be honest, I know they'll make it. Uzumaki and Uchiha are both survivors. The only way they won't pass this part is if Haruno kicks the bucket. And if she does..." he shrugged. "I'm not complaining, and I doubt you would either."

He was right, of course. She wouldn't care less if Haruno died a horrible death. "I'll keep the scroll." She said, tucking said object into her belt pouch. "Keep some senbon ready. Nothing _too_ strong, mind. I really don't want to have deaths on our account so early in the game."

Hiro smirked, of course, the little bastard that he was. "And if we were attacked by Ame-nin?" He asked mischievously. Kari sighed.

"Stupid question, Hiro, stupid question. If it were Ame-nin, we'd kill them. But not if it'll ruin our chances for Chuunin. Passing this exam takes a higher priority than revenge." She stood up and dusted off her pants. "Come on, let's go. I want to get to the river before we get attacked."

Kari swung herself onto a branch and started to make her way through the forest, her team-mate only a few steps behind her. Her mind was running through her personal inventory when he spoke.

"Say... Where's Miyu...?"

"Oh,_ shit_."

* * *

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_Thanks!_


	5. Between the Six of Us

A/N:

**Well. We're actually at chapter five now. Slow going, this is.**

_Hear, hear._

_*~*_

_Oh, dear lords above. I would like to sincerely apologize to all the non-existent readers of this fic for the delay in posting this chapter. Ceridwen has writer's block (or so she claims), so Chapter 6 hasn't been finished, so I didn't want to post this chappie, because my basic guideline was to post only when the chapter ahead of the one being posted was done, but I see now that's not happening, and this hasn't been touched in months, so... I'M SO SORRY!! Erm... we both are. But we got distracted. And I mean distracted. By _The World Ends With You_ and the amazing and godly _Ace Attorney_ series which everyone should play because it is God. At least Kristoph is. Along with Edgeworth and Klavier. _^_^_ Oh, right. Both TWEWY and AA are games for the DS, so go. Play them now. They might last you until the next update. If it ever happens. So once again, we are very, __**very**__ sorry for the delay._

_*~*_

* * *

**The Madness Begins**

**Chapter 5 – Between the Six of Us**

* * *

The Futari Twins were perfectly still beside her, not having moved a millimetre once she'd told them there was someone watching from the trees. Team 6 looked like trio of normal teenagers (well, as normal as a pair of shinobi and a witch could pull off), simply surveying the foliage around them. Ira allowed herself a small smile – all in all, their reaction was far better than expected. The twins did not yell and make an excess of noise, and nor did they try to hide her. That was good. Feye Ira would not stand for being fussed over.

All she needed now was a demonstration of their abilities.

"_Shunshin no Jutsu!_" the twins said this at the same time, hand seals perfectly in sync, and both disappeared in identical puffs of smoke, reappearing behind the old-man tree across the river. Ira blinked. So the shinobi could, erm... 'Apparate.' That was always good to know.

Pulling them out of nowhere, the ninja flung kunai and some shuriken at the tree, creating a dozen hollow thumps. Ira winced. Growing up near the Whomping Willow would give _anyone _a healthy respect for trees. The witch fought a smile, awaiting their reaction as to why there was no one behind there. Good thing they were gullible enough to believe her in the first place, for she had already begun her analysis on shinobi abilities.

Then she frowned. Where were the outraged yells and the frantic search for the mystery Genin? Or the accusations and—

"Feye-san, watch out!" Ira blinked in shock as a violet streak headed towards her. Blink was all she had time to do before someone was pulling her tightly against him and something uncomfortably cold and sharp was at her neck. She stifled a gasp and looked at Tara and Toro who were still across the river, frozen in place. Their faces ran through a number of emotions very quickly, ranging from worry for their team-mate's life, to realization of their folly at leaving Ira alone in the possession of the scroll.

Ira's mind ran through a few scenarios to get her out of this mess—_How was I supposed to know there was anyone behind the bloody tree?!_—but all of them involved either using magic, which she was not quite ready to do, or getting hideously scarred by the kunai.

"Please," the young man behind her said loudly. "I am not an enemy. I don't even need your scroll!" His voice was pleasant, but Ira would not be lulled into a false sense of security by someone _who was holding a knife to her neck_.

"Then I suggest you unhand me this instant," her voice rang cold and clear, Ira making it as glacial as possible. "Or, I promise you, there _will_ be repercussions." The grip on her slackened slightly, as he seemed slightly taken aback at her tone, and even the twins flinched, and they were a river away.

The man slowly stepped away from the black-clad girl, who was motionless, and put the kunai away. "We're all Konoha nin. We should work together," he said with a smile, straightening his glasses carefully. Ira studied the young man's handsome appearance: his silver hair and violet clothes and—was that a slight smirk? But before she had the time to notice, the Futari Twins were by her side once more, trying their best to fuss without making it painfully obvious.

Ira stepped away from them in disgust. She was certainly capable of handling a slight shock, for Merlin's sake. But their speed was _amazing_! It would take quite a bit of work to be able to fit in with people who could jump across a river without breaking a sweat and literally _blur_ when they run. Blasted ninja... Doing everything so fast...

She turned to the newcomer with a smile. "Yakushi Kabuto, I believe. I am Feye Ira. A pleasure." She finally remembered him from the written exam.

Yakushi nodded and clasped her outstretched hand. "Sorry about before, Ira-san. Your team-mates are quite fast, and I didn't want to get hurt." There it was again! The smirk! Ira would _swear _the man was looking down on her minions! – erm, team.

"No harm done," she smiled again, rather pained. "Speaking of team-mates, where are yours Yakushi-san? Is it really so wise to get separated from them so prematurely?" Ira saw Tara almost giggle out of the corner of her eye, and Toro almost scowl. She would really need to speak to them about hiding their emotions properly. It was quite obvious Tara was enjoying the interrogation immensely, while her brother wanted Kabuto _gone_.

"I was scouting." Kabuto answered simply, dropping her hand.

Ira was still smiling pleasantly. "And have you found anything of interest?" Perhaps he was as gullible as the twins and would actually tell her what he'd seen so far... But, no such luck.

"Ah, I've only been about for a few minutes. From Gate 37, Ira-san." She did a quick calculation, and the witch's eyebrows almost shot up. From 37 to 23, _at least_ twenty kilometres, if not more, in a matter of _minutes_?! For the first time, Ira realized just how much she would slow down her team, and felt something that in a lesser being might have been akin to guilt. She suppressed it and carried on, perfectly aware of the fact that her question had not been answered.

"So you have a plan already, Yakushi-san. We were just working on ours." There was no harm in testing his hearing – shinobi speed was already superhuman.

"It was a pretty good one, actually," Yakushi stated, lending proof to her fears. "For rookies such as yourselves." He looked down on them imperiously (taller than all three of them), and Ira barely resisted the urge to scowl. How dare he criticise The Plan? _He_ failed this exam _six_ times, yet he still acted superior. She was careful to keep her expression impassive, for she was under the impression Yakushi Kabuto was quite intelligent. Ira doubted he would be above taking their scroll, even if he didn't need it, just to take a team out of the running.

The witch was about to continue with the small talk, when all three shinobi snapped their heads in the direction of the trees. She looked for their source of distraction, and it was really easy to find. A blur of white bounced out of the trees, bringing with it a sickening aura of sunshine and butterflies. Takahashi Miyu twirled and danced past them, singing horribly out of tune, and headed toward the water. She then proceeded to _dance across it_; to literally pull a Muggle Jesus and _walk on water_.

Ira choked, staring after Chikano Hiro's team-mate incredulously. _What. The. HELL?_ Tara and Toro lightly touched her sides, trying to comfort the shaking girl, under the impression that she was merely shocked at Miyu's stupidity. ...Mother of Merlin... These shinobi... What _were_ they?

"Ta... Ta... Takahashi-san?!" Ira managed out. Miyu didn't hear but kept dancing on the other side.

"You know her, Ira-san?" Kabuto inquired. She nodded jerkily in response, still unable to get over the fact that Miyu was Jesus Christ.

"She she Team of Chikano Hiro and Tsusabe Kari. She "

"A complete airhead, yeah." Kabuto nodded. "I guess that's one less team to worry about." The twins nodded their agreement, staring after the girl, but not quite as stunned as Ira was. (Miyu seemed to be engrossed in an object floating by her head, something along the lines of a piece of dust, and was attempting to pounce on it.) "I think I'll keep going, alright? Wouldn't want to stick around – something else might show up." Kabuto said, rolling his eyes at Takahashi. "Good luck Ira-san and team-mates. Hope to see you in the prelims." He waved and jumped away, adding to Ira's growing panic about the shinobi. Were they even human?!

"Now, then," Tara begun as soon as Kabuto was out of earshot. "About our strategy. I think we should fill up our canteens and then poison the water." Toro nodded after a pause, agreeing.

"Like Feye-san said, the river will flow to the rest of the course from this part," he added. "So everyone will be affected."

Ira twitched and the twins drew back, unsure. That was absolutely despicable! Their opponents were teenagers, with their whole lives ahead of them! That was one of the most disgusting things she'd ever heard and she grew up among Slytherins! _Slytherins!_ That was— Tara was— ...perfectly brilliant.

The witch contemplated for a moment. "Although that is an interesting strategy, what shall we poison it with?" she asked, choosing to ignore the bag full of potions at her waist. (The collection was sure to include a poison or two... or more.) "And what if we happen to run out of water and require more?" (Ira also ignored her ability to conjure up pure water with a word and a flick.) "We shall also be travelling on it. Please do not overlook the fact that poison will affect _us_ as well."

The twins pouted. "Good point," Tara muttered.

"Points," her brother corrected and Tara stuck her tongue out at him.

"It would be prudent to begin travelling, Tara-san, Toro-san." Ira said. All of them were completely ignoring the psycho across the river from them.

"Yeah, why not?"

**-:-.:-.:-:-: :-:-:.-:.-:-**

Hiro shifted uncomfortably under Kari's intense stare. "And just _why_, you suppose, we can't go there?" She asked dangerously. The shinobi mumbled something incoherent. "Yes, Hiro, _there are witnesses!_" She sighed and peered out of the bush. Dammit, if they'd got there earlier, if _Hiro wasn't ogling the bitch next to the bush a kilometre back_, they would've gotten to Miyu _before_ she ran into 6 and that Kabuto.

"Hey, if we go and take them out right now, that'll be one less team to deal with." Kari mused over his words and ran over 6's abilities and stats in her head. The Futari Twins did some sort of thing involving their twin-ness. She wasn't sure, and Miyu was exceptionally vague in her explanation.

The newcomer, she had never seen before. Kari took in the black robes and small handbag, and frowned. She didn't look anything like a shinobi, yet she had the nagging feeling she'd seen the other girl somewhere. Her mind clicked. The girl who Naruto was dragging around! That was it! Kari cleared her throat and pointed at the girl. Hiro nodded, and the two of them burst out of the bushes.

"Hiro-chan! Kari-chan!" Miyu squealed happily at the sight of her beloved team-mates. Kari winced. Miyu was so _indiscreet_ and _loud_. 6 turned around at the loud noise and she swore. Hiro immediately adopted a casual pose, which was ruined by Miyu hugging him—hard.

"Hey sweetheart. I didn't know you were with them." He smiled winningly. "You mind telling us what scroll you have?"

"No way! Feye-san'll never give you the scroll!" the Futari girl yelled. Her name was something like 'Taro', and the boy was 'Tora' or something. Twisted names, but Futari Shizuka was a twisted person. Kari shrugged mentally. At least they now knew that the girl, Feye, had the scroll. Of course, Taro and Tora could be lying, but they didn't seem like the type to do so.

Hiro sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "I really don't want to hurt a girl, but... We need that scroll."

"I would appreciate it if you refrained from calling me… 'sweetheart'," Feye hissed. Hiro flinched at the steely tone in her voice and turned towards Kari, who was standing still with her right hand in a half-Ram seal.

"Do we have to fight? I really don't want to fight. How 'bout we just collect their scroll and leave?"

"That'd be good. Let's see what Miyu has to say. Miyu?" The girl giggled and flapped her arms.

"Miyu-chan wants a cookie! And a muffin! And cake!" She squealed happily.

"Okay then..." Hiro turned back to Feye and the Futari Twins. "One last time. Either you give us the scroll, or I'll be forced to use force, which I really don't want to do. Like I said, I don't want to hurt girls."

"EAT DIRT!!! WE'LL TAKE _YOUR_ SCROLL!!!" Taro yelled.

Hiro shrugged. "Your problem." He crouched down and pulled out a handful of senbon and a small vial.

Kari adopted a defensive pose, directly in front of Hiro. She was to buy time for him to set up a bunch of senbon. They weren't going to kill 6, just knock them out. An unconscious team would be easy picking for other groups. Kari scanned the three Genin. Feye was standing off to the side—she'd ignore her for now, and focus on the Futari Twins—just as Taro and Tora launched a few handfuls of shuriken. She couldn't move, or else Hiro would be hit, so she deflected them with shuriken of her own. In the opening she left, the twins jumped over the river, letting loose another barrage of shuriken. Kari swore as one slipped pass her guard and narrowly missed Hiro.

"Dammit, Kari! Be more careful! I'm working with delicate material here!" Hiro yelled. She chanced a glance back to see him squatting behind what looked like a pincushion. The senbon stuck in the blob seemed to be turning green. Kari winced and turned back to the Futari Twins, in time to see them link hands and—_holy shit._ Her eyes widened as she started to make a series of hand seals rapidly.

The tornado slammed into her, just as she swapped places with a conveniently placed log. Unfortunately, the impact from the log wasn't enough to stop, or even slow, the spinning twins. Hiro swore loudly and colourfully as he rolled out of the way, slashing upwards with his handful of senbon.

The two broke apart, each swaying dizzily on the spot. Hiro got to his feet slowly. His left arm was scratched and a bit bloody, but overall he was fine (Miyu went sailing by in the background).

"Shit, that almost killed me." He inspected the senbon carefully, and grinned at her. "I got one of them. Your turn." Kari nodded and stepped back, making a half-ram seal. She closed her eyes and sensed for the chakra she'd expelled into the air earlier. Along with it was the excess chakra that the Tora and Taro had released. Because none of them had perfect control, there would always be leftover chakra in the air—chakra she could use. Kari 'pulled' the chakra and forced it to cover the clearing. At a moment's notice, she could 'change' the surroundings. As the one who cast the genjutsu, she wouldn't be affected. Unfortunately, Hiro would. But being Hiro, he'd probably put some 'clear eye' on to see through the genjutsu.

Kari smiled grimly. She wouldn't lose. She _couldn't_ lose, and she knew Hiro felt the same way.

**-:-.:-.:-:-: :-:-:.-:.-:-**

Walking quietly into the shadow of the trees, Ira settled down to watch the show. When she was _certain_ no one had been looking, she discretely pulled out her ebony wand and placed a light Disillusionment Charm on herself, so that she wouldn't be noticed right away. Ira also set up a version of _Protego_ on the area around her – it would be awful if one of those pointy senbon things hit her. Who knew what Chikano Hiro had stuck them in? Now, they would always veer slightly off course if they happened to head her way, just missing her.

Thinking about it, Ira decided the green blob of _stuff_ Chikano had coated his weapons in was only some sort of paralytic, because he seriously did not seem like the type of person to kill a team for a piece of mouldy old paper. So even if the twins got hit, she wasn't worried.

Speaking of the twins, they had displayed an amazing array of skills in the last few seconds: managing to throw dozens of kunai and shuriken (where were they coming from?) with wonderful accuracy at Tsusabe and Chikano (who weren't half bad either – the girl had deflected most of them); jumped like fleas over the river again; and finally, did something _fantastic_ – they had linked hands and literally turned into a hurricane! Ira had somehow managed to see the fact that it was actually them spinning together at very high speeds, destroying everything in their way. That log Tsusabe had turned into hadn't stood a chance… (Person equals log in the shinobi world, apparently. Ira'd been trying her best to _not_ freak out at the ninja displays for some time now. It wasn't really working.)

The shinobi were strong, skilled, fast, agile, intelligent (well, at least most were – she looked pointedly at Takahashi Miyu), and were capable of 'magic.' If the tornado was a Genin level jutsu, imagine what the Jounin could do! The shinobi, overall, were _amazing_! Ira was grinning from ear to ear, as happy as the Cheshire Cat. This was going to be so much _fun_!

Currently, the Futari Twins were launching a barrage of attacks at the newcomers. Tara was attacking Tsusabe with fury, sending kicks and punches flying in all directions, while the other girl was blocking most of them and managing to throw a few hits herself. Toro was attacking Chikano, the handsome charmer from the library, but the latter was mostly backing away and throwing more senbon in her team-mates' directions. Ira was actually quite surprised at the amount of violence they were displaying. (Miyu bounced around at the edge of her view.)

Tsusabe made a well-placed kick in Tara's stomach, sending the red haired girl flying away with a cry. She slid across the ground clutching her torso, and Chikano took this opportunity to throw a senbon into her arm. He smirked at his team-mate.

"I got them both."

Toro launched himself at the blond with a yell, while his sister ripped the weapon out of her arm, but his attacks seemed to be getting sluggish, even to the witch's untrained eyes. Tara flew at Tsusabe with a new enthusiasm, arm bleeding profusely. Suddenly, this fight didn't seem all that fun anymore.

Takahashi Miyu bounced across Ira's view, and was about to keep going when she turned and looked right at her.

"Eeehhh… Why're you hiding in there, Black-chan?" she cocked her head and Ira almost choked. First, how could someone as air-headed as _Takahashi Miyu_ ever _possibly _see through a Disillusionment, and second, _how the hell did she know her family name?!_

Ira tried her best not to panic as she looked at Miyu's team-mates, who hadn't seemed to have noticed them. She gestured at the younger girl, telling her to come closer, and naively enough, she did. Ira had an idea to stop the battle in the clearing before anyone got hurt, because it had ceased to be amusing quite a while ago.

"Is that," Ira pointed, "normal, Takahashi-san?"

"Miyu-chan! Not 'Takahashi-san'!!!" the girl squealed in response. "Do you have any cookies?!"

Ira raised an eyebrow and shook her head slightly. Miyu pouted and turned to leave. _Shite_. The brunette had to act quickly. She put a hand on Miyu's retreating back and cast a quick, silent Sleeping Spell. The girl fell back into her arms and Ira caught her, surprised at her light weight. She summoned the closest kunai to herself, forcing it to take the least visible course, and gripped it tightly. It fit her hand well.

In the clearing, Toro had become very slow compared to his earlier self and his face was covered in a shiny layer of sweat. He looked like he had a fever coming on, but he was still trying his best to hit Chikano – to protect the scroll. He swung at his opponent's jaw, but Hiro just stepped to the side to dodge the fist, smirking. Toro panted and sagged, completely depleted, and dropped to his knees. He couldn't go on. So it _had_ been a paralytic.

Chikano looked at his fighting team-mate pointedly, and she sighed, feeling his glare. Tsusabe got away from Tara, who was also getting slower, and performed a couple of hand seals, saying something Ira couldn't hear. The twins, who had both been looking at their opponents, started.

"Where'd they go?!" they both had enough energy to yell. Ira was confused. Chikano and Tsusabe hadn't moved from their spots at all, and they – an illusion! Tsusabe had cast a genjutsu on the clearing, causing the twins to lose sight of them! How interesting! Hiro turned his smirk over to Tsusabe.

"How sad, Kari-chan. I had to paralyze them both for you..." he sighed, shaking his head. Kari growled something in return and then winced. The Futari Twins had seemed to have figured out what was going on and had their hands in a seal, chanting 'Kai' over and over, trying to break the genjutsu. She added something more to her jutsu and turned towards her team-mate.

"Where's Miyu?"

Chikano shrugged in response. "I'll leave a piece of chocolate somewhere, she'll turn up. I'm more worried about where Ira-chan is at the moment. I want her scroll."

The witch saw her chance to stop this idiocy. But really, watching a group of teenagers killing each other in a _test_ was not her cup of tea.

She cancelled the Disillusionment and held Miyu tightly. Thinking of Yakushi Kabuto, she put the kunai against the younger girl's windpipe, and exited the shelter of the trees. When Chikano and Tsusabe caught sight of them, they both drew in sharp breaths. Ira smirked, thankful she was a decent actress so they wouldn't see just how angry she was.

"I do hope you like compromise."

**-:-.:-.:-:-: :-:-:.-:.-:-**

"Oh crap... we fucked up..." Kari sighed. "I knew we should've paid more attention to Miyu.. Why didn't you notice Feye was gone?!" She demanded at her team-mate. Hiro raised his hands in mock surrender.

"If you hadn't noticed, _I_ was too busy trying not to get hit by the Spinning Wonder over there," he said, gesturing at Tora, who was trying to break out of the illusion. "I—"

"Give me a sec, I need to compensate for Feye," Kari closed her eyes and sent herself into the genjutsu, so she could see what the Futari Twins were seeing. "Don't let Feye kill Miyu, but don't make any rash movements either."

"Feye-san? Where are you?" She swore. They'd heard her. Closing her eyes, she created Feye's persona on the opposite of the clearing, along with herself and Hiro. This was accompanied by a swirling of the surroundings, to imitate the 'breaking' of the genjutsu.

"Feye-san! There you are!" The actual girl must've been confused, for Taro was looking in the wrong direction. Kari smiled. She added a slight twist to the illusion, causing the surroundings to spin slowly, then faster, building up speed until it was just a blur. She took herself out of it, before the spinning affected _her_.

"You negotiate. I'll see if I can get Feye as well." She hissed, before closing her eyes again.

"Hey, hey. No need for violence, Ira-chan," She heard Hiro said, "_I_ was totally innocent. _They_ attacked me, and all my actions were executed in self-defence. Name your terms."

"I would like you two to surrender your scroll."

"Hell no!"

"Then I will be forced to kill her."

Hiro laughed evilly. "You do that, and none of you will be leaving this clearing behind. The only reason we haven't killed you yet is because I don't like hurting girls, and you have Miyu hostage." There was a pause, in which Hiro probably shrugged casually. "A hostage's only worth anything if it's alive." He paused again. "We are, however, willing to _show_ you our scroll, if you do the same."

Kari opened her eyes. She supposed there was no harm done, as long as the other team wasn't _cheating_. She smiled to herself. She would be able to detect it if the opponent used genjutsu to change the look of their scroll, and the chance of them being skilled enough with a brush to change the look of an ordinary scroll wasn't high.

"As an act of good faith, we'll even let you get the scroll yourself. We won't move from this spot. All you have to do is get it and hold it up for Kari to see. We'll do the same, but I can't exactly trust you not to take advantage of us and snatch it while you've got Miyu hostage."

As if hearing her name, Miyu opened her eyes and exclaimed, "Miyu-chan wakes up now!" and tried to break out of Feye's grip. Feye's hold on her tightened, and she held the kunai closer. Kari's team-mate stopped fidgeting, but still looked as if she longed to be with her beloved Hiro-chan and Kari-chan.

Both Kari and Hiro held their hands out and stood far enough away from the other so that Feye could see that they weren't holding anything. Warily, the other girl let go of Miyu, who immediately bounced towards Tora and Taro (they were sitting on the ground, probably extremely nauseated from the spinning they were being subjected to) and poked them. Feye ignored her and pulled a scroll out of her pouch.

"Aw man... you're kidding me!" Hiro complained. He yanked an identical scroll out of his pocket and held it up. "We've both got 'Ten'!" Kari sighed and lowered her hands. This was ridiculous! Miyu almost got her throat slashed, and for nothing!

She growled angrily, and snapped, "Miyu! Hiro! Let's just get the hell out of here. We can take out some other team." This time, she wasn't going to bother with genjutsu. Instead, she was going borrow some of Hiro's hardcore poison and stab some unsuspecting Genin. She seethed and spun on her heel.

"Wait." She turned and glared at Feye.

"What?"

**-:-.:-.:-:-: :-:-:.-:.-:-**

"First of all, try to be a little more respectful towards your elders, Tsusabe-san. Your insolence is not becoming." The girl looked as if she was about to yell something heinous, but Ira continued, ignoring her.

"Second, please remove your genjutsu from my team-mates. Wasting my time breaking it is not something I would particularly like to do." Not to mention she _couldn't_ break a genjutsu.

Tsusabe huffed and closed her eyes for a moment, and when she opened them, she continued her glaring. "There. Happy?"

"Quite. Now, how long is this nausea going to last?" Ira walked over to Tara and Toro, who were both looking dangerously green and placed her hands on their foreheads. They both sighed and gripped her tightly, refusing to let go.

"Cold... Good..."

Tsusabe snapped back. "As long as it needs to."

"Informative answer, Tsusabe-san." Ira smirked. "Thank you."

Tsusabe snarled a few obscenities. "What the hell do you want from us?"

"Simply your co-operation. Is that really such a ridiculous demand?" Tsusabe scowled but kept silent. "As far as I can see, our teams are no danger to each other – we have the same scroll. Shall it not be beneficial to us all if we worked together? I believe any team will think twice before attacking us, and we will have a doubled chance of success taking the other teams' scrolls together.

"And that means _working together_, understood? I can guarantee _our_ loyalty," she indicated Team 6. "All we need is yours."

"You think we'll believe you just like that?! You think we don't know you're plotting something behind your backs?" Tsusabe exploded. "What kind of idiots do you take us for?!"

Ira frowned, having one of those moments when she wished everyone could just use Legilimens so they could tell she wasn't lying. "Do you really think me so conniving, Tsusabe-san? You wound me."

"Hey, Miyu-chan," Chikano spoke up. The girl in question bounced over happily, having long left the twins alone. "Look at Ira-chan. Is she lying?" The witch raised an eyebrow. How was _Miyu_ supposed to tell the difference between the truth and a lie? She was an air-headed imbecile.

"Ummm... Ira... chan?" Miyu looked around in confusion.

Hiro rolled his eyes. "The girl over there." He pointed at her.

"Ah! Black-chan! Helloes!!" Miyu squealed, waving enthusiastically.

"_Miyu._ Is. She. Lying. Or. Not." Hiro waved a piece of chocolate in front of her face and her eyes followed it, her face the most serious Ira had yet seen. "I'll give you this if you tell me."

Takahashi nodded and studied Ira. "I am not lying," the witch intoned. Miyu nodded.

"Black-chan's face stayed straight. Black-chan didn't look to the upper left before saying it and Black-chan's pulse didn't speed up and there was no weirdly-ness in Black-chan's voice and Black-chan's eyes stayed normal and Miyu-chan thinks Black-chan isn't lying. Miyu-chan wants her chocolate now."

Hiro handed it over and Miyu commenced munching on it happily, smiling like her usual self. Ira released a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding and Tsusabe glanced at her again suspiciously, but seemed to accept what her team-mate had said. Ira looked at them incredulously – they believed that? Sure, those were real ways to tell a fib from the truth, but coming out of Takahashi Miyu's mouth it all sounded like gibberish she'd made up to get some candy. _Unbelievable..._

"Then what happens once we _do_ get a scroll?" Chikano asked. "Say it's 'Chi,' so we'll all want it. What happens then?"

Ira answered calmly. "Whichever team reaches the scroll first has entitlement to it. Although this does _not_ mean we are going to be plotting to ruin the other team's plans, now does it?" she smiled sweetly. "If there is any foul play, be prepared to fight. And if that happens, be sure that I will not be on the sidelines for a second time." Ira smiled and dug her nails into the Futari Twins' foreheads, who were about to mutter some sort of comment about her supposed usefulness. They winced and stayed silent. Her hands relaxed.

Hiro nodded. "Makes sense. Let's go."

Ira glanced down at the Futari Twins, who had been listening the whole time, but were pretending to be dizzy to have a chance to rest. They both wore serious expressions on their faces, but didn't seem to have any problems about the deal she had just made. They nodded up at her almost imperceptibly, and Ira sort of smiled, glad for the support.

"I'm still going to poison the next Genin I see!" Tsusabe exploded. "Hiro, give me some of that stuff you have. Now." Hiro reached for the vials on his chest, but Ira interrupted.

Kari turned on her. "What now?"

"...That was a poor attempt at a joke."

"It wasn't one."

"You mean to tell me you have no qualms about killing someone who gets in your way, simply because you are in an unsociable mood?" Ira hissed.

"Yeah, sure." Tsusabe waved at Hiro. "Hurry up with it."

"Tsusabe-san. Have you never heard of those useful _li_tt_le_ t_hi_n_gs_ _called morals_?"

Miyu looked at her suddenly with a strange intensity. "_...Morals...?_"

"_Yes, _Miyu-chan" Ira answered, using the name Miyu had insisted, "_morals. Is that a new concept to you all?_"

They all looked at the witch in confusion. "_Morals._" Miyu repeated.

Ira frowned. "_Has no one ever clarified to you all the difference between right and wrong, between what _can_ be done versus what _should_ be done?_" Her audience still looked bewildered, so (almost sniggering at the thought) the brunette decided to make a speech worthy of the Harry Potter himself.

"_Having morals makes a person different from an animal, which relies on its instincts to tell it when to kill. It is the difference between a respectable human being and a common psychotic murderer. But animals have an excuse for their behaviour, see – they simply do what their minds want to with no thought. A person can control these thoughts, but some choose not to, losing the status of human._"

"_Human,_" Miyu said. Ira nodded, proud of her for paying attention.

"_When you take another's life, you make a decision that cannot be changed. You take away that person's possibilities and future. You must also remember that in doing _anything_ you affect many others. That someone you kill has friends and family – people who care about them and you have just ruined parts of _their_ lives as well, even if you have never met them previously nor will you meet them in your life._" Ira frowned at the still baffled faces. "_...You are ninja... Warriors. Have you never lost someone before?..._" They all stared, and Ira's patience was beginning to run out.

"_Cause and effect, you fools, cause and effect! Everything has a price. No matter how small an event, it will cause something to happen that would have not otherwise. ...Do you even understand the words coming out of my mouth, or are you too moronic?! Morals are what you should—_"

"_Cause and effect!_" Miyu squealed. Ira blinked in response then narrowed her eyes in suspicion. It sounded like the girl was simply repeating...

"_...Hogwarts._" Ira said.

Miyu smiled. "_Hogwarts._" She repeated with perfect pronunciation and a British accent. The witch drew back in horror. Had she been speaking in English this whole time?! "_...Cake!!!_"

Ira gasped. She was _certain_ she had not mentioned cake in her speech... She reached into her bag without looking and pulled out the Patois Potion. Pulling out the stopper and taking a sip, she tried to imagine what the others would have heard. Simply gibberish, right? How mortifying...

"_Cake cake cake cake cake!!!!!!_" Miyu was running around and yelling while everyone else looked on. Her team-mates looked at Ira with reprimand.

"Whatever you just said..." Hiro begun, but then shook his head. "Look at what you started, Ira-chan," he accused. "Now she'll never shut up." ("_Cake cake cake cake cake!!!_") He shook his head again. "Great."

**-:-.:-.:-:-: :-:-:.-:.-:-**

Kari sighed. She really couldn't believe Hiro actually agreed. Granted, it _was_ the smart thing to do. What annoyed her was the fact that they were teaming up with _6_. She _really_ hated Tora and Taro. It wasn't exactly their fault that their mother was a fucking bitch.

As for Feye, Kari would find it hard to forgive her for holding Miyu hostage. No one, _no one_, touched Miyu. Anyone who hurt her would find themselves being cornered by herself and Hiro. She could work a katana well enough to hurt someone severely. It wasn't hard to take out the vital organs.

Even though Miyu showed no sign of injury (she whined when she was hurt), Kari still really, really, _really_, didn't like Feye. She scowled and turned her back pointedly on Feye and the Futari Twins.

"So who're we going after?" She asked Hiro. He thought for a second, and opened his mouth.

"Six-one-three-eight-four-seven-SEVEN!!!! _Cake cake cake cake cake CAKE!!!_" They stared blankly at Miyu, who was bouncing around chanting. ("Kae"?) The corner of Hiro's mouth twitched.

"7 it is. Besides, I want to see my beautiful Sakura-chan," He sighed dramatically. "Ah, Sakura-chan, such a lovely and fitting name... as delicate as her namesake, and as beautiful... Yeah, we're taking out 7."

"If it's girls, what about Yamanaka?" Taro (or was it Tora? Kari couldn't remember) said.

Hiro flapped a hand dismissively. "Pfft. Ino. Ino-chan and I have an agreement."

"What about Hyuu—"

"No. _Hell_ no. She's related to _Hyuuga_, for Kami's sake." Hiro shuddered.

"There's nothing wrong with Neji," Kari frowned. "You just don't like him 'cau—mmph!" She glared at him and tried to bite his palm.

"Not in front of Ira-chan, Kari-chan. This isn't fit for delicate ears." Her eyes narrowed as she contemplated kicking him in the shin (or the crotch), but that would make him a liability for a good while, and they were only two hours into the second exam. Still... Hiro must've guessed her intent, because he suddenly dropped his hand and took a step back.

Kari gave him one last glare before speaking, this time directing her words to 6 as well. "It's decided. Since Hiro wants to see his 'Sakura-chan', and Miyu likes the number seven, ("_Cake!_ Seven _cake!_ Seven seven seven! Miyu-chan wants seven _cake! Cake cake cake cake cake!!!!_), we're going after 7. C'mon, Hiro, Miyu. Let's go."

She hadn't taken three steps before Feye spoke again. "How do you propose to find them?" She really hated Feye. Damn civilians. Like _hell_ she was going to tell a _civilian_ how her jutsus wor—

"Don't worry, Ira-chan. Kari-chan or Miyu-chan'll find them." Hiro flashed her a quick grin, and she felt her gut clench. Why oh _why_ did she have such a bad feeling of impending doom?

"Kari-chan'll be able to find them eventually, after all, she—" Kari thought fast.

"Little-green-bottles-on-the-shelf-next-to-desk." She said quickly. She exhaled in relief as Hiro blanched.

"U-uh, I-I-I mean, don't you worry about a thing, Ira-chan." Thank _god_ that threat worked, especially since she wasn't sure if Hiro'd moved the bottles. After this, he'd know that she knew that he knew that she knew that he was going to move them. Kari made a mental note to scout out his apartment again.

"It does not please me how you presume we will follow your lead." Feye was _really_ starting to get on her nerves. Didn't she understand that the Chuunin Exams was no place for a _civilian_?! Besides, she had no idea about their plan. Kari turned around and crossed her arms.

"So who do _you_ think we should go after?" She asked, "I can only track shinobi I've maintained contact with. That's only 7, 8, 9, and 10. 9 is out, 'cause they'd kill you three," she nodded at them, "and you'd be lucky if they got you fast. Neji'd slaughter the three of you, if Tenten doesn't first. Lee has morals, but Neji'd override him.

"8 is hell to deal with. They're nicknamed the 'Survival' team for good reason. I know Kiba can track anyone he's ever met, and Hinata'd see you coming miles away. Apparently that's the only thing she's good at. (Neji said that, so don't quote me.) I don't know squat about Aburame, but I don't want to mess with him either.

"10 is essentially a pushover, but Nara's a frickin' genius. He'd be able to manipulate us into losing. Badly. 7 is _way_ too easy to deal with. Naruto's chakra signature insanely easy to track, and we can take them out fairly quickly. Haruno's uselessness is off the charts, and the only one you really have to worry about is Uchiha, and Naruto, if he decides to screw with your plan. Over all, they're our best bet." Kari stopped and whipped around.

"Hiro. Bottle. _Now_." Hiro grumpily placed the little blue vial in her hand and retreated, scowling. She glanced at the label and tucked it in her pocket. It would come in handy. Hiro's stuff always did. She glanced back up at Feye, who looked thoughtful.

"Again, in case you weren't paying attention," she said flatly, "we're going after 7. We're going ahead, 'cause I know _my_ team is more useful than _you _guys. We'll deal with any issues." And get their scroll, she silently added. Sensing they were about to protest, she spoke quickly.

"We're a full shinobi team. You've got a civilian with you. Clearly, we can make more progress."

"Even with Miyu?"

She shrugged. "Miyu can keep up. She always does."

("_Cake!_ Miyu-chan wants _cake!_")

Kari grabbed a stick and drew a stylized arrow on the ground. "We'll take point, and you guys will follow slowly, as Feye can't keep up. Hiro'll mark directions when we change, but for now we're going this way." She gestured to a point in the trees (the arrow was there for Tora/Taro) where she felt Naruto's unmistakable _huge_ chakra, and stood up.

"Now that this is settled," she shot a glare at Feye, "we're going. Hiro! Miyu! Let's go!" The two joined her and they ran towards the tree line, jumped, grabbed a branch, and swung themselves onto the more conventional paths of interlocking branches. Automatically, they shifted into their basic formation: Kari at the front, Hiro behind, and Miyu moving from left to right at the back.

* * *

**Read! Review! For Ceri-chan!**

_YES!! Love us!_

_*~*_

_Even though we suck monkey balls. I'm sorry. Again. And don't expect Chapter 6 for a while._

_*~*_


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